2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
40 years of life are behind me, but I still can't stop being surprised at how different we are all. Yes, psychological education somewhat reconciled me with this fact, but every time I perceive it as a discovery that everyone sees color differently, each has its own “good” and “bad”, not to mention such complex matters as "Love", "success" and "the meaning of life." But it is with these concepts that we operate most often. With the ease of a person who does not realize the value of an object, we scatter to the right and left with phrases that, in fact, may not mean anything at all to our interlocutor or have a meaning that is radically different from what we have laid down. From simple "cold-hot" to subjective "beautifully-ugly" to global "right-wrong" - everyone interprets any "generally accepted concepts" in their own way - depending on the type of personality, social environment, upbringing and education received, and financial status …
Someone thinks that everything is determined by Wednesday (or Thursday?:) - here it is, the difference in perception), which formed a person. Someone focuses on the physiological characteristics inherent in nature and a certain given psychotype. In the context of our discussion, this is not so important. The only important thing is that for one person "on time" is exactly at the specified hour and not a minute later. For another, it means 10 minutes earlier (you never know - the clock is behind, the floor is slippery, it has started raining). And for someone it is "oh, sorry, most importantly, I had time for dessert." In general, we are all not only individuals, fundamentally different in genetics, physiology and psychological aspects, but also a social product with a certain set of values, which can also differ significantly. And despite the moral and legal “laws” that unite us, they are not written for everyone. For the same psychopaths, a fundamentally different structure of the brain leads to the fact that the generally accepted "conscience" and "feelings" to which others tend to appeal, for the psychopaths themselves is nothing more than an empty phrase.
Therefore, in order to be on the same wavelength with the interlocutor, it is important to determine on the shore what this or that concept means for each of you. What does “love” mean to you? What parameters do you put into the word "fidelity"? What do you mean by the phrase "no bad habits"? And what do you want to get by telling the interlocutor “I need you”?
The key to success is well-built communications. This means not only “saying what you feel,” but also making sure that what you say to the other person means the same as to you. After all, communication is not about “talking”. It's also about the ability to hear.
Because of the difference in concepts, the biggest misunderstandings and quarrels arise. "I tell him, but he does not hear!" "I understood everything a long time ago, and she keeps repeating the same thing incessantly." And all because he "heard" not what she "said", but she hopes to resolve the issue of misunderstanding - by repetition. So the conversation between the deaf and the mute under the code name "brain explosion" turns out. And you just need to EXPLAIN what is hidden behind the words. And take it for granted that the same word for everyone has its own meaning. Even when pronouncing a simple "table", one in his head draws the image of a faceless office square, and the other - a cozy dining table from mother's kitchen. So what can we talk about more subtle matters, if our brain even interprets the names of simple objects in different ways.
You will never guess where I am leading all this - after all, everyone has their own associative path. And I'm not leading to the importance of communication - although this is an obvious way to solve a problem, but to acceptance. It is very important to recognize, realize and accept the fact that even the closest people may really corny not understand what you want from them. And yes, they, as children (and children in the first place) sometimes need to be explained exactly what you mean. And even if we take something for "obvious", it is the fact that there is nothing obvious in relationships and interpersonal communications and cannot be.
Therefore, when you are building a relationship with a partner, do not expect the words “love, loyalty, family” to sound the same to you. Take care not only to experience your feelings, but also to decipher them. Saying “you must be faithful to me”, one may imply the physical aspect of the relationship, categorically rejecting sexual contact “on the side”, while for another “sex does not mean anything”, and loyalty is considered to be caring and providing for the family. Saying "I love you", one sees a stamp in the passport and strict rules of conduct, while the other sees an open relationship with the possibility of development.
All people are different. And if for some reason we want to be together, we must first of all learn to understand and hear each other. Without this, the brightest and most passionate relationships can reach a dead end of banal misunderstanding and difference in perception.
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