INCREDIBLE WOLF - ENVY

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Envy is an unjust passion, because as about vipers they say that they are born, gnawing through the womb that gives birth to them, so envy usually devours the soul, which is tormented by it.

St. Basil the Great

The topic of envy has recently become one of the favorite topics covered by psychologists. This interest has its own background. Modern culture, with its imperative of success, provokes a feeling of envy, and society is saturated with it to the bone. Meanwhile, if some psychologists honestly and with a sense of professional dignity illuminate this problem, others begin to elevate this vicious (here I use "vice" as a synonym for lack, and not as a category of morol-ethical order) feeling into a resource state. This state of psychological thought is reminiscent of an anecdote known in the psychotherapeutic environment:

- Why do you look dull?

- Ah … I am ashamed to admit … enuresis - I urinate in my sleep.

- Go to a psychotherapist, he will cure you.

A month later.

“Well, you look very different, I bet the therapist cured you of bedwetting.”

- No, I haven't cured it, but now I'm proud of it!

This approach to the envy of some psychologists is the black ingratitude of Melanie Klein for her important work, in which she showed that envy is the manifestation of the most destructive human impulses. Klein quotes Chaucer: “Surely envy is the worst of sins; for the rest of the sins are sins against any one virtue, while envy is against all virtues and all that is good. " In Envy and Gratitude, Klein shows the close connection between envy and projective identification. Attacking an object is caused by envy, but also protects the person from envy. Klein notes: “An envious person is ill at the sight of pleasure. He only feels good when others are suffering. Therefore, all attempts to satisfy envy are in vain."

Dealing with envy is not a matter of individual techniques, suggestions, or cognitive reflection. Envy always signals the problem of self-worth, experienced deficiencies in the early development of the "I", gaps in the "I". Therapy of narcissistic disorders and associated paranoid fears and aggressive, destructive fantasies, often in combination with psychosomatic problems, is not an easy task and certainly not a short-term one. The diagnostic aspect is important here, but not in the sense of "hanging labels", but as a constantly lasting and evolving process diagnostics over time. The therapist must have methodological competence, possess relevant professional communication skills, be able to work at all levels of symbolization, apply theoretically grounded means, understand whether the client can deal with his own experiences, and if so, when and in what form, intuitively and creatively comprehend a moment that rests on and is guided by an individually revised theory. The subject of envy for the client often turns out to be a painful act of exposure, therefore it is necessary to build a therapeutically stable relationship, to avoid the temptation to force the client's experience. Only by small steps towards growth can the success of therapy be achieved.

Why is envy an insatiable wolf?

Envy is the first universal sin. The devil, who envied the position of God, was cast out from Heaven: the conclusion is obvious - this sin leads to a fall. Envy is a sin that brought Joseph into slavery: “The patriarchs, out of envy, sold Joseph to Egypt; but God was with him”(Acts 7: 9). Jealousy is a sin that caused Christ to be crucified, "for he knew that they had betrayed him out of envy" (Matt. 27:18). Envy is a sin, because of which the persecution of Christians began: "But the High Priest and with him all who belonged to the Sadducee heresy were filled with envy and laid their hands on the Apostles, and locked them in the people's prison" (Acts 5: 17- 18).

Envy is the sharper and brighter, the shorter the social distance between the object of envy and the envy. If the social distance is large, then envy occurs rarely or not so intense. It is more likely that a person will become jealous of his acquaintance (friend, work colleague, neighbor, former classmate, etc.) who bought a used car than Cristiano Ronaldo, who replenished his car fleet with Bugatti Veyron. Thus, envy is more likely to arise in situations of social equality. But the fact that you once sat at the same desk, worked at the same plant or live in the same microdistrict does not exclude the fact that the positions are not equal.

At the same time, envy can also arise at a great distance. It is no coincidence that I took the world famous Real Madrid player Ronaldo as an example, since the attacks of “mere mortals” against him are endless - he is feminine, a dude, and a homosexual, and the most incredible thing is “not such a good football player”, well, in any case, for sure, it does not reach the level of Lionel Messi. You can try to ridicule others as much as you like, take a pose of mocking serenity, respond arrogantly, pretend that you are above this, but if envy exists, it will eat away from the inside. Looking at the trophies of others, people often forget what kind of work, will, efforts are behind them.

There are no blank spots in envy. Calls “stop getting angry at other people's bad texts - write your own good ones”, “stop getting annoyed with fit figures - take care of your own”, etc. at first glance, they are very reasonable and capable of neutralizing envy, but in fact, such calls are sending for prey through the swamps, in which the envious person will get bogged down and drown in his own abomination. There is no point in overcoming the object of envy. Success, if understood as the achievement of the ability to be human, and not just as a category of social order, cannot be achieved until a person recognizes the filth of envy in himself and does not want to get rid of it.

The devaluation of the successes, and sometimes even the simple actions of the object of envy, is a rescue act from the noose of suicide thrown by envy. The envious person seeks to devalue the actions, deeds and merits of another person. Envy is accompanied by anger and irritation, and the first thing to realize is that you cannot control others with your anger and irritation. No matter how angry you are and urge others to reduce their activity, this will not have any effect.

A haven built out of devaluing the success of others is a sick comfort in which anger is an analgesic for the pain caused by the experience of being insignificant. But this shelter cannot withstand, again and again the successes of others, clad in tarpaulin boots, will invade it to stamp on the corns of a low-minded envious person. There is so much of everything else - bright, tasty, brilliant - that devaluation turns into the daily duty of an envious person, and his life - into hard labor. The sentenced prisoner of the tenth Christian commandment is doomed to daily activity to devalue other people's successes; the vice grows, and the envious falls deeper and deeper into the stinking pit of his own cowardice.

Often envious people are the inhabitants of the bushes, because of which they lie in wait for a careless victim, bending down to the ground in fear of exposure, equipped with telescopes, binoculars, magnifying glasses, they seek out arguments for clung to someone else's flaw. A pack, comrades in misfortune, who understand each other perfectly, organizers of defamation, moralizing performances and analysis of the behavior of other people on the alert in order to denigrate the success of another person. All the will of these people is aimed at the destruction of the Other, and not at their own self-improvement. But the Other is a mirror capable of showing inner traumas, the healing of which requires the recognition of one's imperfection and the will to outgrow one's inferiority.

It turns out to be very difficult, often almost impossible, to recognize the feeling of envy in oneself. It is much easier to recognize yourself as aggressive, angry, angry, offended, but envy is a base feeling, which is difficult to admit in yourself. Therefore, envy, in an attempt not to admit it, is often masked by more socially acceptable emotions.

To heal injuries, you need to be naked, honestly look at yourself, perhaps be horrified, sometimes feel disgust and embark on the path of healing.