2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
- You must trust only me!
- And I warned him that he was a goat!
- And I said that you will not succeed with her!
Sound familiar?
I remember well: I was 15 years old and my friend and I went to the hairdresser. We had excellent hair done, we went home happy and joyful. Relatives of my girlfriend were bombarded with compliments, she shone and turned into a fatal beauty right before our eyes.
I, as if in an alternate reality, got it in full.
- Well, so-so, nothing, - summed up my mother. - And your girlfriend, what did she say?
- It suits me very much, - I opened trustingly. And then dad rushed into the room.
- She’s lying! Don't you understand that they will flatter you in the eyes, and laugh at you for the eyes. How long can you be such a fool?
The pain spread to my soul, at that moment in my life there was a huge loss.
While communication, friendship, love are still important for a person, this is necessary both for development and for internal growth, emotional maturation.
Parents will never tell us openly - DO NOT BE CLOSE TO ANYONE!
They say much more simply:
- do not trust anyone
- do not trust anyone
- beware, otherwise they will betray, deceive
And the skill of healthy communication, the desire for spiritual closeness, and gets stuck somewhere deep inside us.
At this moment, parents are very scared, they are afraid that we will be betrayed, used, deceived. Something similar happened in their life and they could not go through this loss. But by protecting us from such disappointments, they also block our ability to trust and love.
It's certainly great to wear masks all the time, just have time to change them. But loneliness and emptiness cannot be hidden under any mask. It's inside.
And when we believed that it was better not to trust anyone, and you should not trust anyone at all, especially ourselves, we gave up something valuable inside ourselves.
Of course, only mom and dad know everything, understand and see right through, many parents have a direct built-in X-ray. Yes, it's control. Of course, this is power.
Because when you can't influence your life, there is a temptation to teach others. Fortunately, children do not repulse those whom they love, and if they do, they are quickly hung with universal guilt.
We grow up, enter into a relationship, but my mother’s admonition: “you would not trust her so little son,” lives and works inside us. Launches such behavioral strategies in which we are alone, even in a long-term marriage. We are so clever in building relationships that we learn about close spiritual friendship only from TV. We control our partner so tightly that we kill for decades on expectations, so let him love me, and I'll stand by my side. We can walk in circles, racking our brains over the universal riddle "where did the normal men go, only goats around", "where is the one that is ready for the hut, and not just for the shopping center"
We have remained small. Blindly believing parents and their messages. We carry their pain. This did not come true for them and did not happen. And we may still have.
What to do?
- Leave someone else's pain where it belongs
- Want to grow.
- To want to have your own life, to put a new message into yourself and your field. Resource. Strong. Inspirational.
The one we were waiting for, but never heard. After all, now we can say it to ourselves. Now we can begin to influence our own lives. Trust. Open. Be in love.
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