2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The messages are different, but I'm only talking about those that reduce the effectiveness of adulthood. What does it mean?
- Inside a person, his intrinsic value is destroyed
- Inside a person there is a feeling that he is not able to influence his life and is at the mercy of some destructive forces (for example, "evil fate", "unfair relations")
- Inside a person there is a firm conviction of his worthlessness and uselessness. Your sense of worth is completely overwhelmed
- Inside himself, a person feels deep loneliness and a certain alienation from the joyful and good
- In the outside world, it is difficult for a person to be in close relationships, not just building a career, making money hard, he often finds himself in conflict situations, loses strength and energy out of the blue. Sometimes you can hear: "I even live with difficulty"
I already wrote that parental messages are rooted in ancestral prohibitions. It's not easy for everyone in the codependent field. Both parents and children. Everyone drowns in pain, everyone loses energy and strength. Although you can hear: “I have a feeling that the worse I am, the better my parents are. They have work and money and live with each other. And I am lonely, lonely, with work and money problems."
"Don't do"
One of 12 parenting messages.
How does it manifest itself? For example, a kid cannot cope with a button in any way. “Oh, let me do it myself!” - Mother says nervously and quickly fastens the child. And now he cannot cope with the laces and here we hear from my mother "give me". Or the child slowly eats, gets dirty - and then we hear: "Let me feed you, it will be faster!" or “let me draw instead of you”, “let me write instead of you, go, do it, decide”.
In the kid, the mindset is formed - DO NOT. Simply because it is not capable, because parents need it faster, parents need it more convenient. It is enough to suppress independent impulses several times - and you will get a person who will face difficulties in any endeavors - in relationships, work, business. It is difficult for such people to declare themselves, to show their independence, to take risks. All these abilities remained deep in the inner child and were forgotten, or even worse, became excluded.
This is how separation begins with yourself, with your talent, with your strength.
What to do?
When we are in pain, it is difficult for us to find a way out of it alone. Here, an outside perspective is important, a resource and energy that is not yet in your field, those knowledge, skills and abilities that have not yet come into your system. And you can be the first in this. It is impossible to find a solution to what a person has lived in for decades in a month. Too much energy and strength wasted. Now you need time to recover and it will be proportional to the past. It's time to come energy into life and learn how to direct it to your goals, and not merge into loneliness and pain, resentment and claims.
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