Why Are We Trapped In Parenting Messages?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

- "Oh, I would have had other parents, the whole fate would have turned out differently …"

- “All my life I dream of a happy family, that they will love me, but as it has been since childhood - humiliation and ridicule, it continues”

When there is a lot of pain inside a person, a lot of broken expectations, betrayal and loneliness, shame and guilt, anger and bitterness - instant healing is impossible in principle. After all, through all this, you still need to wade through to something that provides a resource for this healing. To a place where there is a lot of energy, but access to which is closed. This energy is often shared by an unconscious adherence to parental messages. Those that affect us in a negative way, that is, we lose strength, faith, significance, self-worth, influence, trust, clarity, openness - come from the codependent field. Not only we carry them in ourselves all our lives, but our parents and grandparents also lived with these attitudes.

- "you are still too young to paint"

- "don't be smart"

- "as I said, so it will be"

- "how dare you be angry with mom"

- "you still won't succeed"

These are not just words, this is a life program that goes deep into the soul, into the unconscious, and then it becomes quite difficult to find the cause of depression, chronic failures, excess weight, and so on.

“I’ll never tell my child that,” my mom, who had experienced emotional abuse in childhood, assured me, but leaving the office, she immediately shouted to her child “What are you, moron! You are a complete freak that climbed in there!"

This life strategy of behavior is stronger than us, it comes from our ancestral system.

To humiliate, devalue, mock, beat, envy, constantly criticize - a rather incomplete list of either the adopted conditions or mental disorder. Families are filled with this when everyone is separated from their primary feelings.

For example, babies are in contact with their true feelings and desires, but for a mother immersed in a codependent field, this contact becomes unbearable, she cannot stand it and will do everything to destroy it in the child. So that the baby becomes for her as bearable and visible as possible - so that he feels only when she allows, that he wants something only at her direction, so that he finally becomes controllable. Because when she was little herself, they did the same to her. But to change her strategy of behavior, she no longer had enough energy or desire. I didn't have enough strength to let something new into my life or into myself - for example, to build relationships with the child in a different way, and not the way she had with her mother.

12 parenting messages are rooted in ancestral prohibitions.

"You can't rejoice - you will cry"

I remember how in the kindergarten we all began to disperse with laughter, we had fun and greatness. And surely someone was there and with a clever look began to frighten us with "heavenly punishment". He already carried in himself the parental message “don't live”, suppressed joy and laughter in other children and in himself, made everyone feel sad and melancholy, it was impossible to get rid of him.

Of course, parents never directly say “don't live”. They say differently:

- how much trouble and anxiety you brought me

- so that you fall through the ground

- my eyes did not see you

- I don't need such a bad child

- I gave you so much strength, but you still could not get married, get married, enter my favorite institute, become an actress, as I dreamed …

Words are absorbed by our soul, affect our life, feelings, decisions, actions.

We live based on these words, because we hear them from our most beloved and believe. Or we don’t believe, but we still hear. And then we begin to tell them to our children. Because we are part of the system, part of the family, part of mom and dad. We have become a part of these words and through us they go on, to the next generations. After all, if you do nothing with attitudes, they become an inheritance, part of a life plan, where there is everything except success, pleasure, love and happiness.