Your Father Sleeps With These Hoes. Remember Their Face

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57

There are many theories of the causes of male betrayal and other aggressive actions against women, ranging from organic pathology, character traits, ending with mental and psychosexual trauma, the Oedipus complex, Madonna-Whore, Don Quixote, everyday conflicts, personal crises, etc.

My psychological piggy bank was replenished with one more factor that determines male aggression towards women / towards a certain type of women.

In the process of consulting a man who was distinguished by superficial, passive-aggressive, and sometimes completely cynical behavior with women, similar to acting out a certain trauma, as a result of which he could not build stable relationships with any of them, unexpected circumstances were revealed.

From the story of a man (let's call him Ivan):

“I remember a case from my childhood when my father called home and told my mother that he was delayed at work again. After the conversation, my mother looked upset, then suddenly asked me to get dressed, that, they say, I had to go to my father. at the enterprise where he was the chief. At the checkpoint the security guard tried to contact him, but the phone in his office did not answer. He missed, because he knew us. My mother and I went to my father’s office, from there I heard a woman’s laughter. Mother I opened the office door. I saw a woman abruptly stand up from his knees, wrapping her unbuttoned blouse. Father was embarrassed at the sight of us, buttoning his fly, his cheeks were unusually red. On the table I saw a bottle of cognac, 2 glasses. From this whole situation I felt I didn't understand why. Maybe because I thought that my father should feel the same way. Mother grabbed me by the shoulders and said with hatred in her voice (I felt well how she was shaking inside from tension):

"Look, son, your father is sleeping with these hoes. Remember their face …"

I could not understand why my mother said "these", because my father was with one woman. But then the mother said that his father always chose women of the same type as his mistress. I examined the woman with whom he was in the office that evening: tall, with long red hair, puffy. My mother was the complete opposite - a gray mouse of short stature, with a short haircut, slender, she always dressed restrained, no tight dresses, jewelry … Then I felt, on the one hand, very insulting for my mother and even ashamed, but on the other, I was angry and to her for making me a witness to my father's shame and their conflict in general. I felt disgusted with this whole situation. After her, I began to pay attention to all the women who fit the type of my father's mistress. I felt a mixture of hatred and eroticism towards them."

After examining which women Ivan entered into intimate relationships with, we found that they had a lot in common: tall, puffy women with red hair.

The conclusion was that on these women Ivan was projecting the resentment and anger that his mother put into him, considering them the reason for his uncomfortable personal life.

It turned out that the mother after this story divorced her father. The father remarried to the red-haired beauty.

"I hate her, them all! They destroyed our family. Their children had everything, while my mother and I lost our livelihood after the divorce."

I asked Ivan if his father cheated on his new wife.

"He cheated on her too. It seems that it was no longer possible to remake him. But she continues to live with him, she loves money very much."

"Ivan, it turns out, is it a matter of the choice of your father to change, and not in the women themselves? Are women also free to choose - to put up with cheating for the sake of material wealth, or to prefer self-respect and take responsibility for their own provision?"

Ivan thought a little and said:

"Perhaps you are right."

Not so long ago, a client at one of the consultations also admitted that she was jealous of a certain type of woman. She caught herself thinking that with such women, her father was cheating on her mother. But the mother, meeting one of the women of this type on the street, always spoke contemptuously and rudely about her, referring to her daughter:

Looks like a prostitute, and so imposing. Never be like her

And once the mother got so angry that she cut off her long thick hair, believing that they make her seductive, and to attract the attention of men - to debauchery.

What did this mother's behavior conceal - envy, hostility, homosexual attraction, fear? We can only guess. The fact is that her unresolved intrapersonal conflict formed psychotrauma and difficulties with the sexual realization of her daughter.