2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Resentment is a feeling that, in one way or another, every person experienced. There are many descriptions of this process, but the essence boils down to the fact that this is a dissonance between expectations and reality, moreover, it is essential that a person perceives this difference as an unfair attitude towards him, in his own opinion. From birth, we have a mechanism for getting what we want, remember how a small child can cry, with what intonation, when he didn’t get what he wanted. These are the first manifestations of resentment, although at this age the resentment is not yet fully realized by the baby.
Throughout life, a person is faced with this feeling. Someone offends him, and in relation to someone, the person himself acts as an offender. The reasons why people offend others can be different: from the strongest personal hostility to banal inattention. But there are situations when it comes to the understanding that a person is an extremely rational being and does nothing just like that, without benefit for himself. Such manifestations include the behavior of people with low / strongly / self-esteem, for them to offend and offend, humiliate another is almost the only way to rise in their own eyes, to feel “better”. Communication with such people is very unpleasant. Quite often you have to hear the opinion that you can not accept offenses, that is, not react to them, but it is very, very difficult to learn how to do it. Therefore, people most often accept grievances, which also has a rather negative effect on self-esteem, everyone is familiar with it, not quite a literary epithet - hammered man, this is just about the fact that it is harmful to accept resentment. The best way out in such a situation is to stop any communication with the abuser.
The next moment is getting stuck in resentment, the fact is that when a person deeply experiences resentment, he closely studies it and is completely focused on it. At this time, a person's thinking slows down, attention and perception of new information becomes worse. In other words, a person becomes stupider, most processes slow down, he becomes less courageous in his actions. In this situation, a person may well develop an addiction to the abuser. In addition, there is already a lot of scientific evidence that the experience of resentment can lead to somatic diseases up to oncology.
All people are different and it is easy to offend someone, but not someone. What lies at the heart of this ability is not to be offended. Strange as it may seem, this is self-esteem. Those people who are easily offended have a rather low level of self-esteem, the less a person is internally confident that he is worthy to get what he wants, the more he will be offended if this does not happen. And accordingly, he will worry more. On the contrary, a person with normal self-esteem makes adequate demands on the world, those who are confident in themselves, treat themselves with love and respect, know that they deserve the same attitude from the environment. Therefore, such people experience resentment more easily.
To forgive an insult or not is a purely personal matter, there is a direct dependence on the type of temperament, choleric people forgive faster than melancholic people, but a touchy person should understand that this (resentment) is a problem and must be solved. In a state of resentment, in my opinion, the very first thing to do is to calm down, cool down and not rush into action, since emotional reactions can bring even more problems.
Live with joy!
Anton Chernykh.
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