The Danger Of Unresolved Conflicts

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Video: The Danger Of Unresolved Conflicts

Video: The Danger Of Unresolved Conflicts
Video: The Dangers of Unresolved Conflict – 2 Corinthians 2:1-11 2024, March
The Danger Of Unresolved Conflicts
The Danger Of Unresolved Conflicts
Anonim

Unresolved internal conflicts lead to various disorders, which we will consider today. This article is a continuation of my previous notes on neurosis based on the work of Karen Horney. The article does not pretend to describe all disorders, but we will single out a few that are often encountered.

  1. General indecision - this applies to both small things and important decisions in a person's life (to take an important step in his career, choose between one or another woman, decide on a divorce, move, change his place of residence) In such a situation, making a decision causes a person to panic and strong anxiety. This leads to a general inability to make decisions in one's life, to aimlessness that is not visible to the person himself.
  2. Ineffectiveness of action - is a consequence of the inability to use their energy due to the duality of motives. It is as if a person presses the gas and the brake at the same time, and at the same time tries to drive. It destroys a person as well as a car driving with the brakes on. Therefore, a very important feature of the neurotic is slowness. A person spends a huge amount of energy, which slows down itself. Such a person works with tremendous internal stress, is quickly depleted and needs a long rest.
  3. Lethargy - people suffering from this symptom often accuse themselves of being lazy. But rather, there is a dislike for effort of any kind. Neurotic lethargy is a paralysis of initiative and action. This is a consequence of alienation from oneself. The person becomes indifferent, although attacks of feverish activity periodically appear. General lethargy extends not only to actions, but also to feelings.

An important common consequence of these disorders is a waste of human energy. It is the result of an attempt in a roundabout way to resolve their internal conflicts. How does this happen? Several options can be distinguished:

1. Energy is spent trying to realize two or more incompatible goals

For example, a woman who believes she can succeed in everything. She tries to be at the same time a good wife, an excellent cook and hostess, an ideal mother, a political and social activist, while looking good and actively working on herself.

Or, for example, a man wants to write an article, but every time he picks up a piece of paper and starts writing, he feels tired and tends to sleep, or his head hurts and he experiences unbearable stress. What is the problem? In the fact that, in his idealized image, this man is already a great writer, whose text should flow like a babbling stream, and the words easily and gracefully jump out from under his pen. And if this does not happen, he is angry with himself, experiences rage, which blocks him.

Or we may want to give a brilliant speech in front of an audience, be the best speaker, but please everyone and avoid any objection. As a result, it will be difficult for us, in general, to formulate at least some idea.

2. Energy is spent on suppressing one of the parties to the conflict (For example, we suppress either the desire to perform or the desire to please).

Unresolved neurotic conflicts lead not only to a waste of energy, but also to the ambiguity of moral principles, feelings, attitudes, behavior in relations with other people. A person loses his integrity. The consequence of this is a decrease in sincerity and an increase in egocentrism, which forces the neurotic to use others as objects to satisfy his needs.

For example, others must be calm to ease the neurotic's anxiety, or must be important to maintain self-esteem; others must lose in order for the neurotic to win; the neurotic does not want to take the blame on himself.

What to do with all this? Explore and be aware of your feelings, sensations, value attitudes. Work on resolving your internal conflicts. For greater efficiency - years, in a psychotherapist's office.

Where Awareness Leads? To the ability to live your life, your feelings, your thoughts, to have your own interests and plans.

What is the outcome of a lot of work on yourself - sincerity: not pretend, be able to express all of yourself in your feelings, work, beliefs.

No man split from within can be sincere.

It is interesting to note in this regard that in Zen Buddhism texts, sincerity is equated with sincerity.

Monk: “I understand that when a lion grabs its prey, whether it be a rabbit or an elephant, it shows its full strength; I beg you, tell me, what is this power?"

Teacher: "In the spirit of sincerity." Sincerity, that is, the absence of deception, means "the manifestation of the integrity of one's being", technically known as "the active integrity of being … in which nothing is hidden, nothing is expressed ambiguously, nothing is wasted. When a person leads a similar lifestyle, they say that he is a golden-haired lion; he is a symbol of courage, sincerity, frankness; he is a divine man. " (Suzuki "Zen and Japanese Culture")

(Based on Karen Horney's Theory of Neuroses)

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