2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I'll tell you about my path.
After the birth of my son (18 years ago) I felt euphoric - that is, I had the other side of the coin called "depression".
Later I learned that any postpartum condition is a psycho-bio-social phenomenon. That February, 18 years ago, I really and no joke considered myself the Goddess who gave life to the Angel.
It was a "psycho" (mental phenomenon) because a miracle happened with the diagnosis of infertility, I endured and gave birth!
It was a "bio" (physiological phenomenon) because my brain was generating a hormonal cocktail that I didn’t know before. I have never taken drugs - that's why I say that this was the first time this was happening)).
It was a "socio-" (social phenomenon) because at last I became a full-fledged woman, whom no one now dares to reproach for the aimlessly wasted life.
In short - the peak of ecstasy!
And the rollback was not long in coming …
Within a week, I hit the ground. And she turned out to be an ordinary witch who does not know what to do with a screaming lump. I turned out to be a psychopath who wants to strangle a baby, since not sleeping for eight days is torture.
I realized that although there were people and a husband around, but I need to cope myself, because only I can understand the intonations of types of crying. I could distinguish tones - sometimes from hunger, sometimes from fatigue, sometimes from loneliness, sometimes from pain.
Society also gradually disappointed me. It turns out that even after giving birth to two children (my daughter was born 3 years later), I still continued to feel like an under-woman.
And then I got into a therapy group. Depressive, burned out, obsessed with the idea of fixing herself and the world. But it all came down to the problem of self-esteem and to the topic of "children's history". It came down and began to unwind. It turned out that I had little good inside, not much that should have been received in childhood. It turned out that I treat myself very badly. I am either the Goddess, or the last abomination - but this is not me.
It came very slowly and not without pain that my real "I" was lost and not found somewhere in the middle of the extremes.
I felt on my own skin that taking care of yourself, which is exactly the opposite of the requirement that others take care of me, is not selfishness, but self-respect.
I realized that caring is not masochism or Strength, but the ability not to pretend and not lie to oneself. That Love happens only in the ordinary and everyday middle, and in transcendental extremes it is not even close.
I gave myself the opportunity to find (and possibly give birth) to myself. I made myself a wonderful gift - I found myself and brought to light:)
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