2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Relationship problems.
It all starts with the meeting of two, and it is not so important who these two are, they are always the essence of an attempt to combine black and white in the hope of finding harmony. The meeting of two parts of one whole requiring reunification, it often carries a charge of unlived grief of separation and a handful of unmanifest feelings. Two parts of the soul, two basic parts of the whole I, masculine and feminine, day and night, hard and soft, they are drawn to each other.
So, there are two people, there is a need for a relationship, and there is a problem in realizing this need. Let's simplify the task a little and reduce everything to one phrase “not the same as I want”. Basically, claims and expectations kill any relationship, mostly they were killed before they even started, mostly we lived future relationships in the past. The union of two is a dynamic balance in a system in which one of the parties rests on the other and at the same time serves as a support for the other. The problem arises when this balance shifts to one side and then the reaction (love) becomes irreversible and eventually it ends, or when there is no energy and catalyst (love) and the reaction never starts.
Not what I want - this is the requirement of an “inferiority complex” behind which there is an unconscious desire to be like THAT full-fledged object (like a mother). But we do not want to change ourselves and be like a mother (although in fact we are), we want to play our fantasies in someone else's theater and take all the extracts from the performance for ourselves. We want to be like a mom, well, or to do to ourselves what mom didn't do to herself. On the other hand, we do it in a certain way, i.e. we make claims to the partner “in our own style”, and apparently we take this style from dad, we act like dad. As a result, we unite this “divine couple” in our souls in the hope of finding harmony and being an integral I (divine child), in other words, we treat ourselves as my mother felt like her father was treating her. And all this happens in our head (soul) and we project all this onto the world, in which we want to see a happy ending to this bad performance.
Not what I want - this is our review of the performance we saw in childhood, and this reaction of ours formed the basis of our judgment about ourselves, hence our desire to fix everything, to give birth to ourselves again, to educate ourselves again, to make ourselves again. We often denounce this desire of ours in phrases like: “I'll make a man out of you,” “grow up!”, “I want to see a feminine and intelligent woman next to me,” and so on and so on. And this reworking of partners (work, apartment, country, car, laws) lasts endlessly, simply because we rework the wrong thing and not there.
So, problems in relationships, in my opinion, are problems in relationships with yourself, this is a problem in accepting one of the parts of your soul. And this is about ourselves, not about them. Most likely, in principle, we may meet the person who will show us ourselves, we simply will not see others. I think so.
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