2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What spoils the relationship between partners in the first place, exacerbating an already depressing situation? Constant demands (from the female) and constant expectations (from the male). Waiting often happens silently, sometimes even the person himself does not understand what exactly he is waiting for. Against this background, dissatisfaction is constantly manifested - and the partner seems to be the one, but you need to “smooth” something else in him, comb his hair (a better job, the style of clothing needs to be changed, must take care of himself, he must pay more attention and give flowers more often, does not help to drive to the cinema, does not help around the house and does not put toilet paper in a common basket, does not remove plates from the table after itself, does not wash dishes, etc.). As a rule, this entire list is constantly changing. For example, a partner starts to wash the dishes and help, but now does not put out a new roll of toilet paper when it runs out. So, he already exhibits, great, but now we don't go to the cinema with him!
Over time, all these requirements and expectations grow, grow, grow. In conjunction with them, the problem begins to exacerbate the lack of gratitude to each other for what each partner brings to the couple. If, at the request of a loved one, I learned to wash the dishes right after me, it cost me some effort, and it is important for me that he appreciates my actions ("What a fine fellow you are! So suddenly you suddenly became closer to my way of seeing life!"). It doesn't matter who plays what roles in the couple, you need to notice what the partner is doing for the sake of your relationship. The wife prepares breakfast in the morning, brings the children to school, picks up the child from the kindergarten, or her husband does it - say "thank you" from time to time for these seemingly daily routines. For example, in the evening after a hard day at work ("I just thought that every day you bring your child to kindergarten or school in the morning. If I had to wake up 3 hours before work, I would not be enough for a long time. I am so grateful to you!") …
We all have great difficulties with gratitude. It's hard for us to say “thank you” or ask another person for something (“Listen, could you …”), instead, the request turns into an instruction (“Okay, you have to! This is your child, so let's take him to school! ). If you shift the tone from demands to requests, from depreciation and indifference to gratitude, the relationship in a couple will change for the better. A person may refuse to follow your instructions, he may generally run far from you. There is always a choice of how to live, and if life with a partner is unbearable, and every day begins with thinking whether to stay, but at the same time make incredible efforts to rebuild the relationship, brick by brick, one day your loved one may make a choice that is not yours. benefit. Be grateful!
In joint psychotherapy sessions, partners are often given the following task: one should express gratitude to the other for everything that he does for him ("I see that you make breakfast every day, you get up half an hour earlier. I really appreciate it and I am grateful!") … As a rule, at the moment of a pause, the second partner begins to say something in response: “Yes, but it’s not so difficult!”. However, it is very important here to accept gratitude, to hear and take on your own account all those warm words that are spoken to you. You are making some effort and are not lying in bed at this moment. After a few interactions, relationships, even at a dead end, with aggression and irritation, become warmer. We just forget to notice and say pleasant and kind words to our partner. We don't have this habit of asking and thanking.
Develop this positive habit, try to change your mentality, develop new thinking and mentality. And here is an important point - for this you must constantly observe your life and listen to yourself. Being able to thank life for what we have is a wonderful skill to work with. We often complain about what we don’t have, but it’s wrong! Switch from such complaints to positive moments (“Yes, I don’t have the $ 1000 I need now, but I have a family, a house, food! Thanks for that, and the money will be earned!”, “I don’t have a boyfriend, but I have a great job and friends, the necessary skills, I learned a lot.”Always look for the positive. Undoubtedly, your needs will always grow, this is good and right, but do not forget the path traveled - thank yourself for this and the person who helped you in this.
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