2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Blogs are full of advice: if a relationship doesn't suit you, get out of it! Everyone writes about this - from a well-known psychologist, whose last name begins with L and ends with -th, to little-known bloggers.
Is it so? This is the easiest advice to give. You are the boss and your subordinate does not suit you with something - dismiss him! In a relationship with your partner, difficulties and problems - get out of this relationship. It is easy and pleasant to give such advice. Organizational consulting professionals know full well that the decision to fire an inconvenient employee is not always the right one. You are losing possibly a valuable specialist. As for close, intimate relationships, such a separation is usually not only unproductive, but also very painful.
Such advice is at least irresponsible. Especially from a well-promoted blogger or media "psychologist", whose texts that speak too simply about complex things, many people are happy to reprint. An illusion of competence is created - it seems to people that if a psychologist is median, he is known - he is a very good specialist. The more promoted, the more competent.
Needless to say, this is not necessarily the case. Relationships are very complex. However, we really want simple solutions to complex issues. And if a person proposes this simple solution, and his texts are then dispersed in thousands of re-posts - so I want to believe him.
Much easier - no man, no problem. There is a problem in a specific relationship with a specific person - what is the simplest thing to do? Just get rid of this person - stop dating him! Well, "chop off the tail", get rid of negative experiences in connection with the separation, which is also devoted to a lot of texts and trainings.
And try to improve relationships, build them? No, why? After all, eminent "psychologists" advise to break off unsatisfying relationships.
Such "advisers" are certainly right only in one case. In case there is violence in the relationship. Then, without question, this relationship should be terminated, first of all taking care of your safety.
Getting rid of the relationship does not solve the problem. Relationships are a very important part of our life. Breaking up creates suffering, loneliness creates suffering. And the point here is not only in the neurotic fear of loneliness, but also in something healthier and more important - namely, in love, in the experience of confidential intimacy with another person.
And, yes, relationships can and should be worked on! And the degree of "toxicity" or pathology should be determined in the course of their comprehension and elaboration. A lot of relationships (yes, not all, but many!) Can be aligned and harmonized, to find harmony and happiness in them.
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