2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The most important word in life is not "thank you" or "please"! and not even the word "mom" …
The most important thing is to learn a three-letter word, which can make your life much easier if you learn to use it for its intended purpose: in accordance with your inner desire, use it without a twinge of conscience, speak to people in different situations.
This is a three-letter censorship word - NO.
You might be surprised, but NO is the same as YES.
As one of my clients once metaphorically put it: "YES and NO weigh the same!"
Although completely opposite in meaning.
Indeed, when you are asked a question, they expect to receive a solution from you.
If a person knew the answer in advance, he would hardly ask.
Even if you suspect that he is counting on your definite answer, why should you live up to his expectations?
Then why is it so hard to refuse?
What does “NO” mean?
Many people confuse this word "NO" with the presence / absence of something.
However, in the dictionary it also denotes failure. The desire not to do what you are asked / demanded / manipulated / expected / begged for, but you do not want. If you are asked to borrow money, but you DO NOT have it, you can use this word in both meanings here.
One of my clients could not refuse, did not know how.
She was considered the most sympathetic and kind person.
At work, she constantly brought in other people's "tails", sat with the neighbour's children, yielded her size to her friends in the fitting room …
What made her constantly step over herself and bend under those around her?
It seemed to her that if she did not agree, then people would be offended and change their attitude towards her.
This refers to a creaky sense of guilt, fear of rejection and a bad friend, colleague, brother, neighbor. That is, a bad person.
Then it is important to learn to distinguish between the refusal of a request and the refusal of the person himself.
You have the right to choose: agree or refuse.
Yes or no.
And you don't have to make excuses!
Although you can use a clever trick and refuse "correctly": "Yes, I agree with you, and at the same time …". further justify the refusal, if you want.
Just say that you cannot do it, or you don’t want to, it’s not convenient, very busy, or give your reason.
This formula works flawlessly with colleagues and loved ones.
And there is nothing to be offended at.
The good thing about the phrase is that there is no open negation in it.
Try it yourself.
I want to note that often unwillingness or fear of refusal can have deep reasons, for example, a person cannot refuse, because it reminds him of his impossibility and inability to do something
In this case, it is important to deal with the issue of self-esteem, self-worth
Why such an unconscious desire to seem ideal and omnipotent.
What guarantees does it give and how it protects against intrapsychic fears of helplessness and loneliness.
A deeper analysis is always a journey into childhood.
After all, it all began there.
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