2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The attitude towards revenge in our society differs depending on upbringing, mentality, religion. There will never be a single attitude to this feeling - just as there will be no single values, worldview and principles in our world.
I do not pretend to be true of my own judgment that revenge has no place in life if you strive for happiness and harmony, prosperity and success. I just want to figure out why how and why revenge arises and what it gives us.
It's no secret that the decision to take revenge is impulsive. It is based on vivid and even keen feelings of your own. Although we always take the circumstances and actions of others as an external basis.
Explicit, immediately noticeable the basis of revenge, why i want revenge is the damage done to me which creates a wounding sense of insecurity. Betrayal, setup, humiliation - everything it is a reflection of the fact of broken personal boundaries … It is unpleasant, disgusting and terrible to me that someone decided for me, against my will.
Someone did something that changed me, my life in the wrong direction where I had planned. I was used as a tool for my own benefit. I was treated like an inanimate object. They violated my plans, caused damage to me, took mine and appropriated to themselves, elevated at the expense of me.
Faced with such treatment, there is an immediate desire to take revenge.
What for? The simplest and most obvious answers would be like this - I want:
- settle scores - let the one who did it experience the same as me; let him feel the same way, let him find himself in the same circumstances, let him drink the same;
- retribution - the path he will bear punishment, punishment; I want reckoning, I want him to return, to compensate me for what he took, what he may have made me give back;
- justice - I want punishment for what I did against me; I also want to punish him so that we get the same share, so that he feels the same as me.
In fact, all my "why" contain demands to pay me for my damage … Now I am eager to patch up the hole that was formed at the expense of the other. Because it was he who caused the formation of this hole, this wound.
Now let's go a little deeper and try to see how I plan to patch this hole. What do I want to get from revenge? So I took revenge, what will happen to me from this? And here I am talking about the sensations to which we strive, which seem to me quite achievable thanks to perfect revenge.
- The first thing I want to experience is celebration. The feeling of the goal achieved, the task accomplished gives joy and enthusiasm, a surge of strength.
- After the triumph, if you admit this to yourself, there is a feeling of power - over a person, a situation … and in the final over your dirty feelings. There is a feeling that I will deal with them as soon as I have my revenge. Because I plan to regain my strength and dignity.
- Then I wait for release from the burden. The relief I hope to receive can give me lightness and strength to move on.
About triumph everything seems to be clear. I set a goal, came to a goal, took a goal - satisfaction, joy, recovery. I am hero. Clear and logical. But only the goal that I will achieve is in the future (or in the present, if I am now in the process). The past is invariable in events, it will still remain with me.
WITH a sense of power not everything is so obvious anymore. Very somehow it turns out illusory … To gain real power over another person, to subjugate him entirely - with external manifestations, with will, with actions, decisions, with circumstances and conditions … with his future. Is it possible? To feel the moment of influence on him here and now - yes, you can. To seize power over him - is it possible?
Power over the situation? Which? I only feel a moment of power. And this moment is not at all over the situation over which I would like to dominate, to be completely honest with myself. After all, the damage done to me happened in the past, and not now, when I am taking revenge.
Revenge is a struggle and an attempt to fix the past, to arrogate to oneself power over a situation that has already happened. This is an attempt to make oneself in the situation that has already passed the main, important, strong. But is it possible? After all, the past has already happened, it cannot be corrected.
And finally, relief from gravity. What weight do I really want to get rid of? What relief do I crave for? To answer this question, you have to look inside yourself, even deeper. And oh, how I don't want to do this, because there:
- resentment,
- bitterness,
- anger,
- despair.
He who hides his anger serves better revenge -
beautiful expression by Pierre Corneille
Setting myself the goal of revenge, I hope that thanks to this, my anger and resentment will leave me. But is this happening? Is it possible to free oneself from grief, despair, and a sense of humiliation there in the past by taking revenge now?Having experienced triumph and a momentary feeling of power in a completely different situation, in a different time?
It's like covering up an ugly pimple on your face. It seems to be getting smaller. Maybe not even visible at all. But a burning sensation, tingling, itching, irritation still remains … My initial feelings don't go anywhere.
Can I rebuild my shattered boundaries by shifting the focus of attention to another person, his fate, his feelings and circumstances? Hardly. At the moment when I spend energy on another person - and this is what happens in the process of planning and implementing revenge - I cannot restore the walls of my house. I'm busy with something else, not myself.
The anger that I invest in revenge keeps me from feeling the rest of the spectrum of emotions that pesters and hurts. Exactly until I cool down. Then the wind through the holes in the walls of my borders will freeze my bones and chill my soul again. I will remain exactly the same that was with me before vengeance.
Revenge allows you to acquire new meanings … But these meanings are not about me, but about someone else. They bring strength not to me, but to another. They do not bring me materials to patch holes, but create holes in another's house. They do not create, they destroy. And it doesn't matter that they are destroying not my world, but someone else's. In my world, these meanings do not become warmer and more stable - this is important. Instead of spending time and energy on restoring my own boundaries, my home, I spend the last on someone else.
The hard way is to plunge, feel and finally let go of everything that I am experiencing. It is long and painful. It is always more difficult to create than to destroy. While creating, I cannot calculate exactly what will happen, when and by what forces. By destroying, I know for sure that the goal will be achieved, I can predict it. The choice is always ours - to build our own house or destroy someone else's.
Success is the best revenge (M. Douglas)
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