2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The desire for revenge is based on such childhood feelings as jealousy, envy and resentment. All these feelings, in the absence of any response, can turn into hatred. What does it mean to "react" to feelings?
Feeling, emotion is energy that is given to actions. If in response to a negative emotion there is no reaction, then this emotion gets stuck in the body in the form of muscle blocks, spasms, clamps and, ultimately, can lead to psychosomatic illnesses. When someone has offended us, then often the first urge, the desire that is aroused in a person is to punish the offender, thus compensating for moral and / or physical damage.
Also, there is a desire to compensate for their experiences as a result of envy and jealousy. If I envy my neighbor, because he lives in a luxurious house, and I have a rented Khrushchev, then the temptation is great to set fire to this ugly cottage. For not fig! I don't - and you shouldn't have!
In response to jealousy, I want to pull out the hair of the alleged rival, whom the beloved smiled at. At the same time, the beloved also does not interfere with "pouring in", so that it is not a habit to smile at anyone …
But what is revenge on closer inspection? Firstly, this is a reaction: a reaction in actions or in a reaction in thoughts, if the offender does not get beyond the desire for evil. Sorry, not evil - RETURN. "Because justice must prevail." Revenge is focused attention on the state of another. The fact that I feel bad, but this bastard is good (or not as bad as me) is not right, it should not be so. And I want to somehow equalize this state, so that the offender is the same, so that he knows what it is like to suffer the same way (preferably even worse).
The idea of revenge leads a person away from their own experiences and towards fixation on the state of another person. It’s not bad that I’m bad, it’s bad that ANOTHER is good. And the bad thing is that he did not repent. This is concentration on the mental, emotional, physical, material state of another, and not on yourself and not on your experiences. And with vengeance (when justice has triumphed), at best, emptiness ensues.
Sometimes they say "sweet revenge". That revenge is nice. What is this "sweetness"? The person had a goal - to spoil the life of the offender, he achieved this goal (he himself punished or waited until life does it). The triumph of revenge is the triumph of achieving the goal, the "sweetness of revenge" is NOT in compensation, but in achieving the goal! Because inner pain cannot be compensated for by evil! However, love is also impossible.
It is also impossible to compensate for the offense with the idea of forgiveness, pardon (regardless of the repentance of the offender). “No need to be offended, forgive him / her” is the same as “don't feel this feeling, but feel different”. But feelings - they do not lend themselves to logical reasoning, complacency, inferences. If there is emotion, it requires certain actions. It is not possible to just take and stop being offended. Forgiveness also does not depend on the state of the other person, the offender: whether he sincerely repents or still does not admit his guilt.
The pain is NOT compensated. Pain can only be lived! Forgiveness does not come with the idea of "I'll be above all this!" Truly deep forgiveness is impossible without living the loss in your grief, in your experience. Otherwise, it is soaping, hiding your sore with a fig leaf of the lofty idea of forgiveness. And in fact - again withdrawal from your pain, its conservation within yourself.
Revenge is a destructive reaction to destructive feelings (resentment, jealousy, envy). Moreover, it does not extinguish the internal focus, it does NOT compensate for the pain. Will you stop drowning if your abuser is drowning nearby? No, you'll just drown both of you. Will you stop burning from the inside if you set fire to your abuser? No, you will burn together. The avenged one feels gloating, but gloating is NOT harmony, it is NOT comfort. Malevolence does not remove resentment, envy or jealousy; malevolence is compacted in a layer on top of these feelings.
Any negative emotion or feeling destructively affects the human body. Any unlived emotion eats away at the soul with acid. And it is impossible to compensate for this either with revenge or forgiveness.
Peace of mind comes only through living the loss in your grief. It is mourning for what you have endured, what you missed, what you were deprived of. This is living in YOUR state, without diverting the vector of attention to another (the offender). This is focusing on how I feel? And living these feelings. You have the right to feel that way. This is your inner pain, your own tragedy, these are your fears (loss, new pain, rejection, rejection). Peace comes through accepting these feelings in myself (I give myself the right to feel IT), placement (I give them a place, I can feel THAT) and letting go (thanks to me for this experience, I can go further).
How long the process of living your bitterness, resentment, jealousy, envy will take - no one will tell you. This is a very personal, intimate process. After living and accepting, integrating experiences into the treasury of your experience, you no longer need the forgiveness, repentance of another. In fact, this is already his business, his problems. Peace is gained through working with YOUR inner state and attitude, and NOT through the transformation of the state and attitude of another person. There is no need for revenge, not because it is bad and "life itself will punish," "nobody canceled the boomerang law," and so on, but because you independently worked with your feelings and gave them a way out.
If the body already requires action, then direct them into a constructive channel - work on yourself, gaining new knowledge, working with your figure, body, earning money for cottages and other benefits.
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