About Self-confidence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Choice is the main tool of a person for self-expression and realization of his freedom and potential. Where there is no choice, there is predestination and fatalism.

About elections

In difficult, incomprehensible situations, you usually want to make the "right choice", which you will not regret. But does this very "correct" choice exist? It all depends on how to measure the degree of correctness. You can focus on the norms and standards of "accepted", you can - on moral principles, and you can measure the adequacy of the choice by how much it makes you happy.

Usually those people come to psychologists or are interested in psychology for whom choice is, first of all, the path to possible happiness.

So is it possible to make a choice so as not to regret it later?

Choose by trusting yourself

She singled out one amazing idea for herself from the book by K. Pinkola Estes - "Running with the wolves." According to the author, most of the people who are in superficial contact with their nature, that is, not in harmony with themselves, usually make choices in the following way. They see what lies in front of them, choose what shines stronger, until they satisfy their "primary hunger."

But this method of choice usually does not allow one to "get enough", to be satisfied. Because the:

1. If you take “what they give”, and not what you wanted, what was lacking, after a very short time a vague feeling of need will return.

There are two different ways to feed babies. You can give them what you think is necessary and insist, even if they do not want it. That is, not to trust the natural desires-unwillingness of the child. And you can, on the contrary, ask - "what do you want for dinner"? I know moms who have several children and they are quite willing to give different food to each child, if necessary (one of the children does not want fish).

If a child is fed (and not only) regardless of his preferences, then in his experience it is postponed that he does not need to listen to his desires. All the same, everything will be as it will be. Such a fatalism of fate. Russian classics, by the way, are also almost all about the irreversibility of fate (Eugene Onegin, Masha's answer to Dubrovsky, etc.)

You can conduct a fairly simple experiment on yourself. See in which case you get hungry faster - if you are nourishingly fed in the dining room with something that you have not chosen. Or if you come to a place where you can order for yourself exactly what you most wanted at the moment. Usually, in the first case, hunger returns faster, the pleasure from the eating process is less, and the heaviness in the stomach is felt stronger.

2. Imagine that you need a new, more convenient computer to work with. But instead, you do not go to the store for a new computer, but put on your table the nearest objects that come to hand - a microwave oven, an iron, a kettle, books … But many treat their lives this way. Anyone who wants to have a child tries to have animals. Who wants to start a family, build a career, etc.

As long as a person implements a substitute activity, instead of satisfying his real need, he will feel lack and dissatisfaction. The best way to make “correct decisions” is to know your needs and personal needs. An alternative way of choosing is based on yourself, on your feelings.

Not grabbing what just came to hand, turn inward and see what you really need and, if necessary, go in search of that most needed.

Choice in today's world can be very uncomfortable

Anyone who does not know how to feel what he needs and make the appropriate choices will be doomed to endless rushes and the feeling that only in what is not yet available / not achieved can you find everything you need for a happy and fulfilling life …

Someone knowingly or unknowingly closes from the need to choose and just takes what will lie next to it. I often come across the fact that people, for example, choose education or work for "territorial considerations."

Abundance of choice

Marketers have researched that people can only make logical choices when presented with no more than four options. And what do we see in any supermarket regarding any product ?! Therefore, advertising is of great importance. With an overabundance of information, a person begins to choose according to the associative principle (once vaguely heard something … why not).

In relation to life, it is not easier. Now no one forcibly marries anyone, does not distribute anyone after graduation, as in the Soviet era. The norms outside the educational system are also not spelled out anywhere. What is the normal salary, how to organize your life, what feelings are love, what kind of relationship is a family, and what is a formality?

The two girls were discussing work. Both agreed that the pay was low and the working conditions were terrible. Suddenly the first one turned to specifics and said something like: "30 thousand, but for such a skilled work." The second quickly "disconnected": "No, well, I don't plan to leave the house for less than 100 thousand at all."

The reign of uncertainty

I liked the description of Karl Marx. It is given here not verbatim, but meaningfully accurately, in my opinion.

The laws of the market economy are objective in the sense that they do not obey human will. People seek to know them from personal interests and theoretical considerations. But everyone sees their own limited picture of the functioning of the market.

Financially manifesting itself, each person is faced with one aspect of the market. We can try to study the laws of economics, but there will never be a person who can see the whole picture.

The financiers say that the most fortunate will be the one who, for some reason, sees more a moment earlier than others - before certainty comes for everyone - and takes the appropriate action.

I think this is a great metaphor for life. Everyone sees their little piece from a huge immense world. And, making choices, he can rely only on what he has already cognized, and what is already available to his consciousness.

If you think so, then the choice is something that there is no point in regretting. Because when choosing, we try to do our best based on what we already know. It is not surprising that looking back, we understand much more and our previous actions may seem naive. But then everything was "serious", hardly anyone makes vital decisions without trying to do the best.

And then the best thing we can do before a meaningful choice is to expand our understanding of the situation and give time for an important decision to “mature”. The latter is important precisely in order to accept your choice and not blame yourself in the future for being hasty or unsuccessful.

The reign of chance

It is difficult to underestimate the degree of randomness of a person's fate. The very first important choices for us are made by our parents - they give upbringing in accordance with their views and ideas, determine our school (for someone closer to home, someone for education "for the future", someone free of charge, someone private, someone then with a creative approach to children, someone with strict discipline). We build relationships with completely random people - namely, those who, again, by random By coincidence, we ended up with us at the same time and in the same place.

Personal choice is the main power of a person to manage randomness, allowing him to determine and direct his life, to organize order and structure where there would be chaos. And in order to make full use of this power, on the one hand, knowledge and interest in oneself is necessary, and on the other hand, the courage to trust your feelings, views and intuition.