2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The topic of irritation and anger is very relevant now.
Answer the question, just honestly for yourself, how often do you get angry with family and friends, colleagues, manager or clients?
And how often do you not want to be angry, but somehow it does not work out?
The topic of manifestation of anger in society is quite taboo (not acceptable). It is being replaced by the more convenient topic "How to Control Emotions."
I can say from practice that the idea of controlling emotions, precisely as a format of control, is not very likely to be realized.
Imagine that the formation of anger energy is like a volcano. The idea of controlling the volcano is obviously not entirely feasible. If a volcano decides to pour out magma onto the surface (energy), a person cannot prevent him from doing so.
Then a person means leaving a dangerous place, minimizing risks, not arranging his life next to a volcano.
We turn on a similar mechanism: running away occurs in such a way that when the energy of anger gains potential, the brain, quietly, in English, tries to leave the place of the disaster - it stops thinking, sometimes it turns off.
And in such an impulse, we behave strangely, uncontrollably, we can say a lot of unnecessary things, then regret appears: “Why am I like this?”
And if these people are not close, the experiences can be tolerated, but what if they are relatives, or with whom, you are bound by obligations?
How, then, can you minimize risks or channel this energy in the right direction?
How irritation appears:
Irritation and anger is the formation of energy with an outward direction. And this energy begins to form to violate the boundaries of the personality.
Personality boundaries are our rules, principles, attitudes, vision, feeling of comfort / discomfort, how we can be dealt with, and how we can’t.
And when the boundaries of the personality move, are violated by others or by us - energy appears to restore boundaries and change the situation - it is called irritation. If this process of prolonged “irritation” gains potential and turns into the form of “anger and aggression”. We often direct this energy not to those who caused it, and not to those places where the border is violated.
Imagine if a neighbor broke the fence on your territory and started doing his important business there (he decided to plant potatoes). You will have the energy to get up and go to sort out such a situation. Anger here stimulates you. With material things it is clear, here you can divide into mine and neighbor. And the thoughts “You can't be angry”, “It’s not decent to tell your neighbor that he’s insolent”, “It's a shame to say” - they cannot stop you much.
But with the boundaries of the personality, it is more difficult, we often stop ourselves in different ways and do not protect them (we were taught to be polite, we were taught a lot of things, which now does more harm than good).
Moreover, it is not entirely clear where these boundaries are, what they are, why they are.
And in this place, it becomes difficult to cope with anger.
And all of these boundaries are arranged differently, there is no one magic pill.
After all, you can joke with someone, but with another person, such jokes can end in conflict - and this is also about borders.
An important point on the way of working with irritation is understanding how your personality boundaries are arranged, how and at what violations of these boundaries irritation and anger appear. And only then is it possible to direct this energy towards solving the situation.
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