2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Have you ever felt like revenge? Or are you hatching a revenge plan right now?
Why does a person have a desire to take revenge at all? Have you ever thought about it?
Revenge is the restoration of justice. Revenge is a punishment for indifference. You need an offender, you need a grudge against the offender. And we experience a lot of negative emotions about the damage caused (it can be some kind of deception, betrayal, set up, treason, not living up to expectations, breaking a promise, etc.).
Something bad was done to me, from which it hurts, sad, insulting, I am angry. I had some expectations from this reality, from this person, from his behavior, but objective reality diverged from my ideas. And a particular person contributed to this.
And now, it hurts. And I look at my abuser and see…. Indifference. Indifference. Maybe even complacency. And he does not repent! It doesn't hurt him that it hurts me.
I suffer, but he, my abuser, is fine !! And this is causing fierce anger! It pisses me off, it seems unfair.
Behind the desire for revenge is always the idea of justice. And rightly so - if if you feel good, then I should be just as good. If I am in pain because of you, then you should be in the same pain (and preferably even more pain, because it was you who caused my suffering!).
And I cannot stand such injustice when I feel bad, but you, my offender, do not. To restore justice, restore balance, restore the balance of my inner universe - I must see from you equal suffering.
Because it is not right when my picture of the world is destroyed, and your intact remains. It should not happen like this in life when you came, shit in my soul, and I myself have cleanliness and order. And it’s okay to be ashamed of you, my offender, for this it would be, you would feel guilty, ask for forgiveness, offer compensation, eat yourself alive and sprinkle ashes on your head! But no! She lives for herself, bitch, on, as if nothing had happened!
If you have an abuser, then track your feelings and experiences when you read these lines, when you read this text. Like this? Responds?
There are people who are vindictive, and there are people who are not vengeful. And the difference between them is not at all in some kind of spirituality, high sense, morality, morality and so on. Non-vindictive people are divided into two camps: some are victims who are accustomed to enduring, enduring suffering, the second - they simply have the skill of living with their sores and accepting a new picture of the world. The latter are psychologically mobile, flexible, they quickly edit their ideas about a person and build new strategies for behavior with him, based on this new picture.
That is, if the other person turned out to be an unreliable comrade in some sense, then either the relationship becomes more superficial, remains only business (if necessary), or the relationship ends.
That is, non-vindictive people have two important skills:
1. Living your negative emotions, integrating them into experience.
2. Flexible adjustment to the new reality, good adaptability.
Those who seek revenge do not have these very skills. Because without them, it remains to hold on to the idea of justice as a lifeline! Because if I do not know how to adapt to new circumstances, if I do not know how to live my feelings about the inappropriateness of expectations, then all that remains is to rely on some external law. His name is justice.
This is why it is said that revenge is not comforting. Vendetta doesn't make you happy. A sham restoration of justice will not remove the suffering of unjustified hopes and expectations. And in this destroyed inner picture of the world, the devastation will remain. Revenge doesn't clean up. Happiness does not come because the avengers do not have these two aforementioned skills: living their experiences about changing reality and flexibly adjusting to this new reality.
Have you ever had to take revenge? Did you become happier after revenge?
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