HOW TO RELEASE A MAN?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the most frequent requests in therapy is sick love, love addiction. When relationships bring suffering, but there is no strength to end them. And when the separation has already passed, but it is impossible to forget the person. When you sit on his page, in fear expecting to see the status of a new love. Or already looking at a photo of a new passion.

Love that hurts. That hurts, torments, but doesn't let go. Love that sucks out strength, time and energy. Love is a drug. And it is this person who is the very dose that allows you to somehow make it through another day. This is an addiction that breaks when you lose pride and all self-respect, but you cannot let go of a person. You know what you need. You know it's time. But no way. Does not work…

To begin with, in the process of letting go, it is worth removing from the eyes the "anchors" - that which evokes memories of this person: souvenirs, gifts, remove his toothbrush from the bathroom, his forgotten things. At the time of releasing, stop listening to "your" music or those songs that remind you of this person. Do not visit yet those places that are associated with him and cause painful memories.

It is necessary to create conditions in order to let go of a person, to experience feelings about this, to free up that place, space in oneself that was previously occupied by Him. I will say "HE", meaning "this person", and it can be a man or a woman.

Then, you can start living your emotions: sadness, resentment, despair, boredom, pain, anger, hatred, longing and others. You can write letters about your experiences (for yourself, without giving them to anyone to read). You can talk to someone you trust, such as a friend or girlfriend. If there is no such person, then it is better to consult a psychologist.

If you are a creative person, then you can write poetry or songs about your experiences, paint a picture of your feelings, expressing emotions with paints or dance a "dance of pain". In fact, there are a lot of tools and techniques for living the feelings, choose the right one for you.

Further, you begin to fill with yourself the temporary and psychological space that was previously occupied by Him. That is, if you used to traditionally go to the cinema on Fridays, now you can sign up for dancing at this time. If you've frequently cycled together, you might want to look for a new companion or go to the pool for a while instead of cycling. What was previously occupied by Him - you are occupied by something or someone else. And better - with your interests and hobbies. To do this, you will need to search for these interests and hobbies (namely YOURS).

There may be resistance here because of the benefits of the relationship. For example, your relationship with Him was your barrier, a screen from painful childhood memories. Or it was a damper against feelings of dislike for parents. Or it was a cover for feeling guilty about something. In other words, you need this relationship not because of the person as such, but because this relationship served as a distraction from something very unpleasant, from some pain from the past.

And you continue to cling to the person, because even mentally he remains such a barrier for you. Worrying about Him is a favorite mental gum that distracts from loneliness, from fears of the future, from a painful past, from the inability to fill one's own life, from boredom with oneself. That is, unconsciously you choose to suffer for Him, rather than for the real pain that you cover with Him. Then it is important to be honest with yourself and be ready to look behind this screen, voluntarily remove the barrier in order to see what exactly you were hiding from in this relationship.

In addition, you have invested a certain amount of energy in this person. You invested your time, attention, linked your plans with Him. You put His image into your future, mentally linked your plans with Him. And letting him go is painful, because it's a pity for his investment, which never paid off. Your contribution has gone bankrupt, as if it turned out to be unprofitable.

And today, thinking about Him, remembering Him, you seem to collect the crumbs of dividends that are due from Him. You are scared to see Him with a new passion, because it turns out that another person will use the exhaust from your investments. The beneficiary has changed. It's like you planted a field, and someone else will reap it, but not you.

Then you need to burn off your lost investments. It is the process of living the loss. But it's important to make a decision - release your investment. You still won't get the happiness you expected. It's like trying to juice dried apricots. You mourn the time and energy you have wasted. Perhaps you would be willing to spend more, just to get at least something in return. "If only he was just there!"

Of course, it will be problematic to let the person go if you have a common child and you are forced to continue communication, since you are still parents. Or you work together, you have a joint business. Or you have mutual friends with whom you spent time, a common company where you were on vacation.

Don't try to run away from it, switch. You should not hide from the pain in a new relationship, hide from thoughts in noisy parties. Escape to another city or country. Be careful with yourself during this period; you should not dull the suffering with the help of alcohol or promiscuous relationships. But you shouldn't even vilify your former partner, since this is just an attempt to devalue him, which means that "there is no great loss." But if you are in pain or in a bad way, it means that it is still great … And it is precisely this “great loss” that you need to recover from, in such a volume and magnitude.

The process of letting go will take time and some effort on your part. Do not let this process take its course until it "passes by itself." This can "pass by itself" for many years. Take time for yourself to actively "sanitize" your heart. You are busy with soul healing, healing wounds. Such is the mental hygiene …

For my part, I want to help you with this process. I wrote down a psychological technique called "Sucking". This is a kind of psychological "lapel". If you feel that it is difficult to cope on your own, take this technique for yourself, it will help you.

The NLP technique "Sucking off" is aimed at overcoming painful attachment, at breaking the emotional connection with a person with whom the relationship has already been terminated or no longer nourishes you, making you unhappy.

To perform the technique, you need to prepare: organize yourself a comfortable place where you can be in solitude for about half an hour so that no one bothers you. Disable your gadgets and messengers. It is necessary to listen to this recording with headphones.

WARNING: be prepared for the fact that the person with whom you break the connection “suddenly” will show up, make itself felt, call or write. He may offer to resume communication, restore relationships. Keep in mind that this is simply a response to the cessation of feeding on your part. Since you “fed” him with your attention and memories, relatively speaking, with the disappearance of the power source, he can try to restore the previous interest on your part.

Two versions of the video are ready for you to watch (to go to practice, you just need to click on the link:

Female version (instructions for women):

Male version (instrument for men):

I edited the text of the article, but it seems that links cannot be attached here. On the same psy-practice site there is a "Video" tab. The very first two videos are instructions for women and instructions for men. The video is called "How to Forget a Man. NLP Sucking Technique". Female or male version.

This practice can be done several times, but not on the same day.

Enjoy your listening and happy emotional background!