2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Several years ago (after 20 years of marriage) I went through a breakup … Of course, it is not the only one in my life. But the most bitter thing.
How did you survive? Yes, in different ways….
As the runaway bride, the heroine of Julia Roberts. Trying to understand what I love more: scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, soft-boiled egg …
As the mistress of a "house of exemplary sanitary condition", because she was constantly washing and cleaning something, just to keep herself busy.
Like a passenger and a weirdo pedestrian. Because as soon as my brain was not busy with work, it immediately began to "chew" the details of the events that led to the divorce, and the very situation of separation. It was exhausting, I could start crying (the first strangeness) on the street, in transport … So I "loaded" a traitor (brain! OWN!), Reading ads by syllables or singing a children's song. Yes, that's right, this is the second oddity!
As a person who escaped from the grief of loss in new projects! I got carried away with constellations, studied in St. Petersburg. Knowledge distracted from emotions. But now I know that it is necessary to grieve "to the fullest", because the tears not cried out in a timely manner will overtake you anyway.
Of course, well … but it was full!
There were several significant events during the year.
The daughter went far and for a long time, as life has shown.
Reduction in the third month of work in a new consulting agency, although in this whirlwind of emotions and a simple job change would be enough.
Ambulance hospitalization, hospital bed and frustration …
Parting and divorce became like cherries on a cake!
I will not write about the fact that parting is, in its essence, a loss, about the stages of grief. This information is freely available.
Today my colleague wrote: “Imagine, I still haven't gotten over the breakup. I thought I did it very successfully …"
How do you know if you have gone through a breakup or not?
What will be the signal: your heart wounds are healed?
When can the "treatment" be stopped?
I remember that only four years after parting, when asked about marital status, instead of "Divorced", I began to persistently answer "I am free."
Feel the difference in wording!
But the first sign of my recovery was my willingness not to insist on formulations at all. This is a bureaucratic question! He is not at all about what it cost me to survive the separation …
20 years of marriage. More than four years of "treatment". At the same time, as a practicing psychologist, I know that, perhaps, deep in my soul there is another knot that I tied as a keepsake, trying to cope with the pain. Or, most likely, not one.
Nodules such as scars from a wound.
Never again …, only after …, only with …
Never again will I meet blondes, athletes born under the sign of the tiger, those who are older than me, those who are younger than me, …
These are all scars (scars) at the site of our heart wounds …
And any scar is, of course, not diseased, but not healthy tissue either.
Of course, everyone chooses the degree of cure.
It happens that people put on chains on their bodies themselves. So they need it for something. What prevents a person from doing this with his heart?
Someone might say that scars are adorning.
Or "no one will see the scars on the heart" …
Well, then my services of a psychologist (or the services of colleagues) are highly likely to be needed by their partners or children. When they don't have enough love …
Someone will decide to remove the scars. It is troublesome, painful, costly …
But what could be more beautiful than a heart open to love, a heart without scars!
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