ONE OF THE REASONS OF THE ALARM

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I am often approached for consultation with a request to overcome anxiety. An exhausting, sucking force.

When everything seems to be fine. Well, or acceptable. When the minimum level of needs is satisfied, when, it would seem, life is arranged the way everyone else has, the standard social ration: there is work, there is a relationship, there is time to "go to the cinema."

But anxiety torments. And the most depressing thing is that the reason for this anxiety is not clear.

Moreover, with fear, everything is clear: I am afraid of spiders or I am afraid to fly on airplanes, or I am afraid of parting, I am afraid of the boss or that the ruble will fall. It is easier with a specific fear, it is tangible, you can work with it. And what to work with when something bothers you, but it is not clear - what exactly?

And often during work, we come across a simple reason with the client / s:

I WANT MORE, BUT AGREE LESS

I want more than I have or I want something else, but I cannot / am afraid to afford it, so I settle for little, I am content with little.

That is, I want not just a relationship, but I want to be respected in a relationship, I want to feel REAL. But I already have a relationship. Some kind of relationship, but not the kind I really crave. But I cling to this relationship, I agree to the minimum set of benefits that this particular partner gives me, but I want more.

I want to work in a large company or just go free floating, open my own business, do my own thing. But I cling to this work, because it is: closer to home, you can leave an hour earlier, the salary is paid on time. I settle for little, trying not to think about how much I want someone else, how this is not enough for me.

And no matter what the question touches, a person feels in himself a greater potential, more than he has. But the catch is, he DOESN'T BELIEVE that more is possible for him. He does not believe, because all his life he was taught to be content with what he has, not to ask for another. At first, a person was limited, then, this limiter blended into the structure of the personality and became one of its elements.

And this limiter keeps you in the zone of familiarity: in this relationship, in this job, in this city / country, in this company, in this mode of life. Somewhere deep within yourself, you know that your potential is higher than all this. That you are able to achieve what you want. But this very limiter in a moldy whisper says in the ear:

"If you lose this job, you won't find another one!"

"You want a lot - you get little!"

"This is all not for you, you do not have enough abilities / intelligence / strength / time"

"Such a life is for other people, but you sit on your priest and don't rock the boat."

etc…

And here she is, Mrs. Anxiety. Inside, everything screams about how cramped you are from such a life, but fears and doubts keep you within the boundaries of the usual. You learn to be content with what you have. Simply because you are not used to getting what you are entitled to. What you really want.

It's like trying to stuff an elephant into a matchbox. The elephant is cramped and uncomfortable in the box. But in order for it to stay there, you need to convince the elephant that this is just its size, that other large boxes have already been disassembled, that the elephant is not allowed to live in freedom. What's in the box is not so bad, but rather good - warm, dry, no ticks. That not everyone gets at least some kind of box, but he does, he should be grateful for it. Otherwise, he got drunk.

And what does an elephant feel? That he "has everything", there is nothing to complain about - warm, dry, no ticks. But at the same time, he is tormented by an incomprehensible anxiety. But to admit to himself that he is cramped and uncomfortable, sick - the elephant cannot. Because then you will have to do something about it. You will need to get out of the box, look for your place. To look for his own clearing, but this was not taught to him. He was taught to squeeze in, squeeze in, humble himself and "be grateful." And throwing what is is scary, because the matchbox is right there at your side. It already exists. It's at least something. There is no other alternative yet. The elephant clings to the small, because he is afraid that he will not get the big. He won't get it.

And here it is at least warm, dry and there are no ticks.

Did you recognize yourself?