2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Living out your sacrifice..
I want to share the most difficult and most important thing that I had to go through in my life.
For me, the most difficult thing was to admit to myself: "I am a victim."
See this truth, notice it about yourself, stop running away from your own victim.
Why was it so difficult for me?
Because I have always considered myself a "fighter", "revolutionary", "rebel".
Tyrant, yes, that's my role. But the victim ???
At this point, I even stopped breathing..
The victim, on the other hand, is so eternally aching, eternally helpless, eternally waiting for something from someone. So sticky, sticky, disgusting … Ugh..
This is definitely not about me.
Recognizing a tyrant in yourself is even a little pleasant. So much power, so much power, so much energy. This role is so invulnerable. So terrifying.
It's like putting on a fancy dress of a "gray wolf" and running around to scare everyone around.
But how to see behind this "suit" a helpless, vulnerable, irresponsible victim?
After all, there can be no tyrant without sacrifice. It's like there can be no black without white, morning without evening, etc.
After all, a tyrant is just one face of the victim.
Somewhere it must be….
And more than anything else, I didn’t want to see her.
Weakness, helplessness, fear, guilt and shame … … are what I have been running from all my life.
I became a hostage to one role, so as not to collide and not experience these feelings. Don't notice yourself like that.
But it is worth looking at the main events of your life and the conclusions that you made from them, all attitudes in this life begin to emerge.
And when you open the curtain of the "domineering tyrant", behind him you can see a small, trembling, frightened victim, who disguised himself as a "gray wolf" and desperately tries to scare everyone, so long as no one approaches her and does not hurt her.
And from that moment on, a lot of inner work begins.
From the moment you made your sacrifice. This helps to get out of the mask role and begin to live out your victim. Noticing her in relationships with others. Noticing her actions. Noticing her in your elections. Notice her in your thoughts.
Notice her in your feelings.
The most difficult thing is not to run away into the usual mask of a "tyrant", but to live every moment of fear, helplessness, mistrust, self-pity, dishonesty, and irresponsibility.
See yourself like this, live yourself like that. To reach the very bottom, to keep yourself in awareness of your position in life.
Live your victim until real aggression (and not imaginary defensive) and passion for life rises in it.
When the inner victim gets tired of slowly dying and grieving over the injustice of this world, the fun begins.
The moment of taking responsibility for your life. Removal of all charges. Rejecting the illusion of expectations. Internal readiness to act.
Forgiving yourself and others.
This is where FREEDOM, MATURITY, RESPONSIBILITY begins.
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