2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
As a psychologist, I feel very sorry for them: in the last thirty years, Russian men have been born, brought up and live in the world of women. Firstly, a third of the country's children (and, accordingly, a third of boys) are born immediately single mothers. Another third of children (primarily due to divorce) lose their fathers before the age of 16. Thus, two-thirds of the country's men grow up in an incomplete family. Where is a lonely mother, on the one hand, she really does not like men in general: since she was clearly abandoned by someone, or she herself did not get along with someone. On the other hand, he hates in advance the girl who will once take away the most valuable thing in her life - her son: after all, single women rarely have more than one child. All this immediately develops a certain shame in the boy for being … a boy (after all, another man did his mother badly, abandoned her). Hence a certain percentage of gay men. And he also develops a very careful attitude towards women: it was not for nothing that the mother had been driving her son into the head for many years that someone would try to use and rob him: therefore, the apartment and business should be recorded only with the mother, and not with the wife
It is interesting that without receiving a full-fledged male upbringing in the family, the boy does not receive it practically anywhere. In kindergarten, all teachers are women. In schools, 99% of teachers are women. Even in technical schools and universities, female teachers account for almost 80%. The only chance for a boy to see a living man next to him is the presence of a close relative who will tinker with a teenager, sports where the trainers are men and … the notorious army! Hence we have a paradox: by the age of 20, most Russian men (except in cases of happy complete families) learn about how men should behave in life, in communication and family, only from action films and books (if they have been taught them to read). By and large, they don't recognize practically anything. Of course, this cannot but affect their behavior in life. What are the main features of our contemporaries that I personally notice?
First, men begin to believe in themselves less
The fact is that it is not dads and not the street who are now engaged in their upbringing, but mothers. Mothers love children, they are very afraid for them and try to do everything for them themselves. Accordingly, during the period of their childhood, men gain the minimum experience of life according to the "me myself!" Hence, some of the men develop outright parasitism on women, someone seeks to live a quiet, gray and inconspicuous life, "so that, God forbid, they would not ask for anything and not be instructed." And it all starts from childhood, when mom forbids to find out one-on-one relationships at school or in the yard. Gone are "honest one-on-one fights until first blood", only virtual simulation games have come, men have become a thing of the past. Real men.
Secondly, modern men are afraid to take the first step towards a woman
On the one hand, they know from their mother that it is indecent. On the other hand, the mothers told them clearly that "modern skewers are such that they will do everything for a man themselves, just to marry him and take away his apartment." So modern men are afraid to approach and get acquainted, they are afraid to show sympathy, they are afraid to pay a compliment. This is where the massive hobby for Internet dating comes from: in the virtual world, doing everything is not so scary.
Third, modern men are increasingly afraid to take responsibility for creating a family and having children
They are ready to be friends even for decades, to live in a civil marriage, to tell everyone that “we already have a real family”, but at the same time … stubbornly not go to the registry office! As a result, desperate girls are forced to marry their "real men" by the old grandmother's "flying" method. Which, by the way, allows the mothers of men to say: "Well, I told you what they are, these modern girls !!!". Hence the battles between mother-in-law and daughters-in-law. Previously, they were due to the coexistence of families and two housewives in the same kitchen. Now hatred stems from jealousy: two women are fighting for one man …
Fourth, instead of a single average concept of "man", two fundamentally different concepts are now being formed: "cool macho" and "loser"
In any age category, there is a process of clearly dividing men into two categories: successful and unsuccessful. Successful people get everything - big money, beautiful women, real power. Unsuccessful - work "for an uncle" from morning to evening, or even at night, low income, alcohol, prison. Accordingly, the number of men with the most "correct" option - "strong middle peasants" who do not grab stars from the sky, but still earn good money and are able to solve all the main issues in the life of the family, is catastrophically rapidly decreasing.
If, as a family psychologist, I assess all these changes clearly negatively, then you need to maintain a balance and add a spoonful of positive honey to the ointment, at least for decency. And here he is.
Fifth, the versatility of men is increasing, an increasing number of them take possession of various sports and, especially, creative hobbies
According to my observations, every year there are more and more climbers, divers, hang gliders, lovers of river rafting, equestrian sports, car and other races, etc. etc. Even just tourists and travelers have become noticeably more numerous. The number of men is growing - photographers, designers, architects, composers, stylists, actors, directors, producers, programmers, bloggers, advertisers, etc. With such versatile men and their women, it becomes more fun to communicate and live. If only there was no craving for alcohol.
Such are they, modern Russian men, through the eyes of a family psychologist. They change, acquire different properties, become different. However, they are still men. They want to be and live by them. It's just that they are being taught little about this now, they are giving few correct examples, they are too sorry (both mothers and wives). I will express myself very directly: If you want to raise a real full-fledged Man - in no case, you should not feel sorry for him! Including my son (if a woman-mother is reading me now). Otherwise, you will make a woman out of him. In thinking and behavior. And with him two other women will be tormented all their lives: his wife and his daughter. Or maybe also a mistress, whom he will lead himself, not knowing why he needs it.
In general, there are still real Men in Russia … As befits real Men, they grow up in spite of everything: excessive tenderness of mothers, lack of money (every school has a horizontal bar and parallel bars for free), government policy, hazing in the army, etc. The number of real Men can and should be increased. This requires strong large families, more severe mothers, more sports and smart books. And there will always be enough great girls for them in Russia!
Family psychologist A. V. Zberovsky
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