The Shadow Side Of Exemplary

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The situation presented in the article reflects a collective image and is brought to reading after a collective analysis in the supervisory group.

Alexander, a successful entrepreneur, 32 years old, came to me with the following request: “to understand the recurring life scenario of marital relations, in which his chosen ones suddenly open up from the most unseemly side, developing interpersonal conflicts and bringing the union to a break, which does not meet expectations, the joys and hopes of Alexander himself and does not correspond to the classical ideas about love relationships in a couple."

During his history, Alexander was married three times, and each of the wives in the premarital period of time "blossomed with a light flower", while in marriage, "was revealed by a poisonous plant." And this is not a beautiful allegory, but the actual reality of this particular person.

It is noteworthy in all this that Alexander in the classical sense of the word was and is a reference boy, a kind of demigod. He is attractive, highly educated, intelligent and very successful. His position in society for many of Alexander's peers is the height of dreams.

Alexander was in love with his chosen ones (ex-wives), he invested seriously in every relationship, he doted on his beloved women, and, of course, did not expect a trick from them. Nevertheless, with each of the darlings, after a short cloudless time, the same thing began: first, petty nagging, then unreasonable grievances, followed by regular, exhausting scandals and-and-and … an unbearable life for mental survival …

If you go back to Alexander's childhood, you can see the following. Wealthy family. Successful and busy parents. A demanding dad, a discerning mom, and he is Alexander, who tried not to fail, to be the best: first at school, then at a university, a little later - in graduate school, then - in his company and in general - in life in general, everywhere, everywhere … I tried to be and-and-and … appeared … Indeed, I had time … In his piggy bank: gold medals, honors, scientific dissertation and so on, and so on …

And what about the personal? Why did this important area of life suffer? What did Alexander unconsciously accomplish in close relationships with women? What is the key here?

And the solution, as usual, is on the surface … But at the same time it is so significant and useful that this is why a specific article was started. So, to the point …

The answer, in fact, is that having received in his childhood the golden prescription for the best performance, exemplarity (it is strictly forbidden to be imperfect in Alexander's family, he must become the best, get to the height), the guy successfully implemented this basic, primary covenant, without stepping aside not an inch. What's wrong, you ask? Let's figure it out … Let's continue …

Just a moment of attention, dear friends … Let's pause the client's story and digress a little …

Think about it, any living matrix presupposes the integrity of various associations, including polar ones in meaning: seasonal includes summer and winter, daily - day-night, moral - good and evil, watercolor - black and white, and so on … What should the earthly do, an ordinary person who is forbidden to be alive and punished to become glossy, ideal in the real, human world? Guess?! …

Place your "non-glossy beginnings" in a close partner, thus complementing your spiritual integrity. To find in conjunction the opposite in meaning ("the impeccable Celestial and the" witch "), thereby restoring your flawed matrix to the whole, complete and unified.

In such an indirect, veiled way, through unconscious choices, a man solves important, essential problems.

A living identity, where a young man is what he is, a real, non-glossy one is forbidden to him, it means that the event history of his psychological choices will return the switched off part of the spiritual content to him in a different way.

In my opinion, a brilliantly solved riddle, masterfully executed by the team of supervisors of our psychoanalytic group. And, since the solution is something very important in the soul of everyone (and therefore, of course, useful for comprehension), I prepared this thematic material.

Such complex psychological games are unconsciously realized by us in the personal human field. And this is about the fact that any meeting, any relationship and event is not a punishment of God, but the providence of the soul, which must be comprehended and healed - not superficially, but deeply.

And also about the fact that the evil of concrete reality that we have designated is often just a shadow part of our personality reflected by the unconscious, which is worth exploring and accepting, agreeing on what is useful and general for mental development and health.

I hope this interpretation will serve as an instructive example for all of us and encourage readers to look at many things in their stories in a different way …

/ The author of this publication is a professional, certified psychologist Alena Viktorovna Blishchenko. /