If I Feel Bad With People, Then I'm An Introvert?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If I feel bad with people, then I'm an introvert? Or why can you get tired of communicating with people?

I've always considered myself an introvert. I judged this because I cannot be with people for a long time. At some point, I get tired, fenced off with fantasy and painfully want to be alone. Five or seven years ago it was really bad. A small meeting could squeeze all the juices out of me, then I could recover for two days. Now that I have been in therapy and have been practicing playback for four years, everything has changed a lot. I still love being alone, but my experience of being around people has changed. There is no longer such a strong tension. I began to get more joy from communication. I very much associate my increased joy from communication with the presence of therapy and playback theater in my life. Over the years, I have learned to be considerate of myself and take care of myself. Track my desires in communication and bring them into contact and accordingly change the contact for the better for me.

I learned to hear my desires and respond to them. Of course, group therapy has done a great job. Where it is proposed with 8-12 people (initially completely unfamiliar) to talk about their feelings. And you know you get used to doing it. Before, when I was among people, I immediately tensed. It was as if a light bulb came on in the brain: "attention, people, you must be interesting, they must not guess that you are wild." And the mode "for people" was turned on, where I was tensely disconnected from myself and did everything to make the person next to me feel good. Now I will not delve into why I did this, it is clear that all this was formed in childhood and all that. The point is not in this, but in the fact that there was little joy from such communication. But I didn't want to be completely alone either. Then my world consisted of extremes: complete loneliness or intense communication, each time after which I wondered if I should still choose complete loneliness, if after communication I feel so bad.

But gradually I began to hear my desires, even when I was among people and to realize them. Because I felt bad because there were very few of me in contact. Gradually, I realized that I may not agree with the interlocutor in everything, that I may not always be in a good mood and people are okay with this, that you can track your feeling of fatigue from communication and politely end it (before for me it was nonsense, for me it seemed that the person would be terribly offended). But it turns out that if we talk about ourselves, and not about a person, then phrases to regulate communication do not sound offensive at all. In general, the people around are not so fragile.

Compare:

1. "I'm tired of you, of our conversation, I want to leave"

2. I seem tired, attention is scattered, I think I'll go.

It was a discovery for me that people understand and are ready to let me go after a mild statement about themselves.

I began to share responsibility and stopped worrying a lot about how a person felt next to me. He has a language and if he doesn't like something, then he can say.

For a long time, you can list what fantasies I dispelled with the help of therapy and what I learned, but in general I became more confident and easier to feel in communication. And you know now I'm not that introvert. And even living with people in the same territory can give me pleasure. (Apart from the husband) because when you learn to hear your desires, to declare them (talking about yourself), then communication can be CONTROL.

No, of course, something also depends on people, it is important to be close to someone who is ready to hear.

So, I thought that those who consider themselves to be deeply introverts may confuse introversion with the inability to manage communication, as I had. And I wanted to write about this, perhaps inspire hope that communicating with people can be a joy that enriches life, and not always stupidly draws out juices.