2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are a number of pathogenic communications from parents or caregivers that contribute significantly to insecurity and attachment pathology.
- Refusal of the child's requests for support and understanding.
- Denial of the child's impressions of certain family events.
- Forms of communication that provoke feelings of guilt.
- Cancellation of the child's subjective experiences.
- Threats.
- Unconstructive criticism.
- Shame-provoking forms of communication.
- Intrusive relationships and mind reading.
- Double messages.
- Paradoxical remarks.
- Discouraging comments.
- Comments that question the child's good intentions or denies the child's right to have an opinion.
- Groundless comments.
- Responses expressing disinterest.
- Exaggerated responses to the child's anxiety.
- Communication of conflicting parents, one of whom is trying to unite with the child against the other
- Obscene comparisons.
The father or mother communicates with the child in this way for the following reasons.
- Parents can project their own feelings of guilt, shame or negative assessments on the child.
- Parents can identify with their own parents, who in childhood treated them in the same way, i.e. they treat the child the same way they treat themselves.
- The child may be unwanted by both or one of the parents.
- The child can be the scapegoat in the situation of family misfortune associated with him.
- One parent may want to exercise strict control over the child and prevent the child from exploring the world for his own safety, which makes him cling to the child.
- In a newly created family, a child from a previous marriage may be rejected by a stepfather or stepmother.
- The child may be like another person towards whom the father or mother feels intense hostility.
- Parents wanted a child of the opposite sex.
- The child can be perceived as a patch for the father or mother, the breadwinner of narcissism. If the child does not satisfy this need, then he will be attacked.
- Intolerance for parents of children's anxieties and difficult emotions.
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