About Norm And Pathology, Acceptance And Denial

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I think many adults remember the cartoon about the kid who could count to 10? My personal projection on this matter is that the author wanted to show how most of us react to new, incomprehensible information, without even trying to figure out whether it is good or bad, it is necessary - unnecessary, will help-complicate, and what "Is this" actually? This is approximately how I see the situation with information that we live in an age of depressive and anxiety disorders, various kinds of neuroses, psychosomatosis, etc. as if we say "Yes, this is a global world problem! … but it does not concern us." And as soon as someone tries to say what it does, they immediately turn on the defenses "How can you listen to you, everything is already in the psyche" or "There are no healthy ones, there are only under-examined, huh?"

Not so long ago a social project "Closer than it seems" appeared. The problem that he touches on is that people suffering from various kinds of psychological disorders cannot receive timely and adequate help due to the fact that those around them ignore them, level their suffering, try in every possible way not to notice and, by their behavior, seem to force them to be normal. The society is so afraid of facing the face of "disorder" that it is easier for them to say "you are all lying" and "do not make up". So, when a person says "I have depression", they answer him "do not fool your head, go eat a chocolate bar and take a walk" or when a person experiences obsessions and compulsions, they tell him "pull yourself together and stop doing it" when he hurts, but doctors do not find anything, they advise him “just don’t think about it, you know that it’s all in your head, no more”, etc. disorder - that's all (they'll lock them up in a psychiatric hospital, the children will be sick, without a license - we'll be left without apartments, what people say, end up living, you won't finish college, you won't find a normal job, etc.). This is a kind of psychological psychophobia, where the fear of insanity is so complicated that we supplant it and choose to simply “not notice” that there really is a problem with someone from our loved ones. People bring themselves to the point where nothing helps, and to the banal question "why didn't you apply earlier" they answer "I was afraid it was something serious."

And here everything is absolutely correct, a person understands and anticipates when something is wrong with him, however, the fear of a "diagnosis" is so strong that he does not even realize that a problem identified in time is not just easier to correct and prevent more serious consequences, but sometimes even get rid of it for good while it is only in the developmental stage (the same diagnosis may have different causes in different people). The main thing is that the identified problem actually only rehabilitates a person: it helps to remove symptoms, reduces anxiety, makes it possible to normalize self-esteem, gain inner freedom and self-confidence, level the feeling of irrational guilt, gives an algorithm for work and interaction through understanding one's own characteristics, etc. …

Often my clients talk about how they were at the training on "such and such" typology, and it turns out they belong to "this type" and it turns out that they are "such" is not because they are bad or wrong, but because they are "so" arranged, just the type. And if they want to do this and that, then they need not look at others, but do so according to their type, and everything will go smoother and more efficiently, etc. People experience tremendous relief (I am not talking about training sects now). At the same time, few of them think that in fact they were diagnosed and assigned a kind of diagnosis, they received a recipe for how to live with it, and realized that many of their problems were contrived and solvable, they learned what can be changed in themselves, and what is better accept etc..

The same thing happens when a person with a psychological disorder (phobia, depression and various somatized neuroses, etc.) finds out what is really happening to him, receives a "recipe" and learns to live without looking at the opinions of others, without fear, and most importantly with adaptive functioning skills. Not because he is "the same as all normal", but because he knows that he has "such" disorder, but this does not prevent him from being happy, walking, having fun, working, having dogs, getting married, having children etc..

Since I work at the intersection of two professions, the question of norm and pathology is a fairly frequent occurrence for me. From the point of view of psychology, the concept of a norm is always vague, subjective, philosophically seasoned, etc. From the point of view of medicine, there are quite definite criteria that make it possible to understand when not to worry, and when it is necessary to carry out a correction. Therefore, without a doctor in matters of psychosomatics, one cannot go far. But here there is also an obstacle, in addition to the concept of "Psychophobia" (others), which is closer to psychology, there is also a more medical one, which is called "Anosognosia" (both with organic damage, brain trauma, and in the form of psychological defenses).

Its meaning implies that a person who has a particular disease denies its presence, significance, etc. Finds a justification and explanation for his well-being through insignificant signs, etc. Doctors and psychologists also experience this on themselves. The introduction of diagnostic protocols, consultations and supervision in psychotherapy, in part, helps to reduce the likelihood that the specialist can transfer his vision of invisibility to the symptoms of the client-patient. Those. if the psychologist, on the basis of his traumatic experience, has this protection, he may not notice or devalue such symptoms in the client. So, for example, a specialist who has a disorder, but does not receive therapy for OCD, can convince a client that an excessive concern with germs, cleanliness and disinfection is normal, everyone wash their hands 40 times, but do not talk about it or do not notice. He will also advise disinfectants and what creams to use (.

Among clients, we see this more often when an alcoholic says he has no cravings and only drinks on special occasions. When anorectics say they eat normally and have no problem eating. In my practice, this is very noticeable when clients insist on the psychological causes of their diseases and ignore the symptoms, which clearly indicate that they first of all need a doctor, etc.

Why am I raising this topic? Because in modern society, it has recently become fashionable to present disorders as a variant of the norm. Many do not hesitate to get confused, because at first glance we are dealing with the positive aspects of such a process. We question really incomprehensible situations, where you can't figure out "what is the norm and what is not?" considered, etc. But in fact, so that society would accept the fact that they are just like us. At the same time, there is a very thin line between equalizing people in their rights and promoting abnormality, since everything that happens to a person is dynamic, and a disorder that has not been identified without correction also does not stand still, but progresses. To understand my true feelings about what is happening, I often ask clients "You say that" this "is normal, but would you like your child to be like that?"With rare exceptions, people have a real understanding of the essence of the process and they answer that they would try to accept it. In most cases, they immediately say "No".

The problem of accepting the disease is well described in the works of the famous researcher E. Kübler-Ross (5 stages: denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance). We are used to applying its model to cancer patients, although it is universal for cases of various diseases, including fatal ones. At the same time, almost no one pays attention to the problem of making a diagnosis in the so-called. incurable diseases that do not lead to death, but a person has to be with them all his life. In particular, they include many behavioral and psychological disorders (syndromes). And now we are faced with a vicious circle situation. In order to improve the quality of life, a person with behavioral and psychological disorders needs to accept their condition as a disorder. As long as he only ignores the symptoms and defends his right to be so "special", to have his own fads and oddities, he cannot get help, and accordingly he cannot improve the quality of his life. This often applies to people with various kinds of obsessions and compulsions, somatized neuroses, social anxiety, depression, incl. disguised, various kinds of behavioral deviations, etc. I understand that due to the thin line between accepting the disorder and defending the right to be as it is, reasoning can look confused, so I will give a specific example of my personal psychophobia, which I was exposed to after working in psychiatry, but which I hope I managed to overcome.

My oldest child suffered complications during childbirth and, as a result, a number of neurological problems. Since I am a psychologist, I made a decision to pounce on the child with the correction. This bore fruit, by the age of 4 he was practically no different from his peers, apart from a couple of speech therapy nuances and some behavioral features that were also leveled by the age of 6. However, by the time the school started, the further, the more obvious were the differences from their peers in the emotional-volitional sphere and behavior. All this time, I vehemently defended the child's right to be the same as everyone else, attributed hyperexcitability to the normality of age and gender, presented emotional immaturity as "shyness and naivety", and associated problems of self-control with insufficient experience of teachers to "interest" the child, etc. At the same time, the situation with behavior only worsened, I was angry with despair and sometimes broke into a cry, which, of course, only exacerbated the situation. In fact, the problem was precisely that the fear of my child's "abnormality" made demands that he simply physically could not meet.

Yes, from the outside it turned out that I defended his abnormality in front of the school and circles, focusing on the fact that a child with behavioral features is no worse than other children, and most importantly, what kind of intelligence, what kind of creativity! In fact, while denying his upset, I denied him the right to be himself with my upset. I gave a signal in every possible way that "you must be normal, you are the same as all normal, you must behave normally." And even if he wanted to, he could not meet these expectations, so he behaved the further, the worse. When I reconsidered my attitude to his condition, when inwardly I allowed my child to be abnormal, I did not have to change anything. I distributed the load adequately to his characteristics (and not to "normal" children), and simply began to notice his requests and desires, which, even if they were emotionally immature for his age, were important to him and brought him pleasure. After half a year, the child became completely different. He made friends, the teachers finally got an algorithm for working with him and noticed its positive aspects, study turned into a pleasure, his own interests appeared and some neurotic symptoms disappeared. All I did was accept my child's abnormality and give him the opportunity to be who he really is. Later, when in my work I came across the stories of mothers of "special" children, I realized that this is the problem of many - to "stop" and give the child the opportunity to be "sick", not to pull him into out-of-the-box zones, but to help him find his place and apply his talents in their status. However, in communicating with other parents in circles and at school, I have heard how parents of children with obsessions and compulsions, enuresis, mental disorders say "this is normal, now all children have something different from everyone else." But as I already wrote, this is not normal and not for everyone, and by itself does not go away, but only gets worse without proper correction. That is, if the parent realizes that the child's behavior really differs from the behavior of his peers, or if the child “changes” dramatically, you can simply consult a child neuropsychologist. This does not oblige you to anything, does not force you to take medications or "start a card", however, in the case of real problems of childhood, we must remember that the earlier the correction is made, the better the psychological prognosis of a particular disorder.

Returning to adults, if the reader has noticed such a denial for himself, I want to draw your attention to the fact that being "not like that" is not scary. On the contrary, it is scary to hide all the time, to step over oneself and force oneself to do something that is prohibitive, so long as no one guesses about anything. It is almost impossible to improve the quality of life without acceptance, " love yourself"(and many, in their rejection, hate themselves for their peculiarities), find your people (do not be afraid that someone will guess something or look disapprovingly), find your place in life (your hobby and, most importantly, work that matches your characteristics, and does not drive you into an even greater stupor), etc. If you are afraid of psychiatrists, consult at least special psychologists (medical psychologists, neuropsychologists, correctional and clinical psychologists) or psychotherapists (psychoneurologists). And I hope I was able to convey the difference between the phrases "hey guys, don't let my little feature scare you, I'm the same as you" and "yes, guys, I'm not like you, but that doesn't make me the worst, I can also love, make friends, play, work, create, etc."