2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often, overweight, real or perceived, we attribute to the main reason for our failures in life. I'm overweight, so: I can't dress nicely, I don't go to the gym, they don't want to talk to me, men (or women) don't like me, and even - "I can't get a good job!" Here's a job, something to do with it at all? !!! You are not going to get a job. Sometimes the thought arises, what will a person do without this "extra" weight. After all, then there will be nothing to blame for your problems, and you will have to somehow solve them. And maybe, in this case, the "extra" weight is not superfluous at all?
More often, excess weight is assigned to the role of the reason for not loving oneself. I can’t love myself because I’m overweight and don’t like myself in the mirror. It sounds like a logical thing, but it is not at all so. Here cause and effect are confused. It would be more correct to say: I do not like myself - and I am "overweight" because I do not like myself. And often this "extra" weight is imaginary. Everyone has probably seen really very thin women, sometimes already sick with anorexia, who still believe that they need to lose weight.
And we think that when we lose weight, our life will change. Finally, everyone will love us, we will meet the love of our life, friends will appear, a good job and an interesting life.
But the truth is, none of this will happen! You just lose weight and that's it! Maximum temporary increase in self-esteem. And then you can get into a vicious circle and decide that the whole point is that you have not lost enough weight. Sometimes this is how anorexia develops.
Haven't you met people who are not overweight, who do not have good friends, who are not particularly attractive to the opposite sex, with a regular job and a boring life? And does a person become more interesting for you from the fact that he has lost weight? Why do you think it will be different with you?
If a person treats himself well, accepts himself, then even if he is objectively overweight, then he almost does not affect his life in any way, I am not talking now about serious degrees of obesity.
How, then, can you fall in love with yourself, since losing weight does not help?
In most cases, the deep reason why we are trying to somehow remake ourselves, improve, change, become the best is in fact the desire to receive love that we did not receive in childhood, and through this love to love ourselves. Only someone believes that they will get it by getting rid of excess weight, someone - from a big nose, someone - somehow remaking themselves from the inside, earning a lot of money, becoming something better, etc. … But this is an illusion, the truth is that, unfortunately, this cannot be obtained. What to do?
I don't know a better way than therapy. Let me explain why.
In the beginning, we do not know anything about ourselves, and the first knowledge about ourselves, which has a huge impact on our entire life, we receive in childhood from the people around us, mainly from our parents. And not everyone was lucky with this. Often we learn that we are, for example, lazy or stupid, or that Katya from the next doorway is better than us in everything. It happens that we learn that we have only problems. And then we understand that we are not good enough, and perhaps, if we somehow improve ourselves, they will finally praise (= love) me, and not Katya. Usually all this does not reach the level of consciousness, but this only makes an even greater impact on our life. Thus, in adulthood, we carry with us a mass of poorly understood ideas about ourselves that do not correspond to the real state of affairs and, again, unconsciously act on the basis of these ideas, involuntarily broadcast these ideas to other people, causing them to react accordingly. At the same time, in addition to these superfluous ideas, we may not have many things that we need: positive ideas about ourselves, the experience of accepting ourselves as another person.
In the course of therapy, we work to remove the excess and get the missing. It is a long but interesting process that will improve your life qualitatively. Perhaps therapy is the best gift you can give yourself.
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