2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I want to share with a very interesting principle. I called it "Fact Awareness Skill"
I came to this with my mental sweat and blood.
The fundamental principle, using this skill alone, can make life a lot easier. I will say right away, at the first stage, it can be damn difficult, but if you want to go further, then you definitely need to do it.
What is the point. For example, you are communicating with a loved one, be it a significant other or a parent, and at some point of communication you get angry, so you get angry and that's it, most likely you will restrain your feelings, you will not scream, or this anger will be in context quarreling.
At that moment, when you are overwhelmed by feelings, there are two things that seem to you to be reality, but in fact, they are not:
1. It seems to you that you are right, and the one with whom you are in dialogue is wrong.
2. It seems to you that your feelings are reality.
For example, my mother asked me to take out the trash, but you have anger and thoughts like "you constantly pound me, don't let me breathe."
Or a spouse asked how things are at work, and negative feelings begin to overwhelm you, and at this moment there may be some thoughts like "that you ask me that you don't see that I'm tired, but you take my brain out here" and you restrain your anger, and the husband cannot understand anything what happened.
It is at such moments that those two points work, it seems to you that you are right and that your feelings are reality, and there is a big trap in this. Most likely, under this "lives" a big story with many resistances, pain, and negative feelings, but in order to further live them and get rid of the pain, you need to take this first step.
After the emotional process has ended and you have calmed down. You need to sit down calmly and look at the facts, and the facts will most likely be adequate, and your reaction to them is not adequate. It is highly desirable to take notes, because 99% that you will forget about it after a while. When you see that in fact a person just asked you something, or asked, maybe he was in some negative feelings at that moment, but what happened to you about this was definitely about you.
After this process, it will be clearly seen that the reaction is yours, and in relation to the fact itself, it is not adequate, and you will have no choice how to accept that this is your story and your feelings. Based on this, you can then approach the person and apologize, admitting that your emotions were not very appropriate. Believe me, it will definitely become easier for you and the relationship with your loved one will become stronger.
I always say in such situations: "I'm sorry, it's about me, try to ignore my emotional outbursts as much as possible, I consciously love you and I have no complaints." In this case, the basic relationship is strong and stable, be it with your parents or with your loved ones, when you declare that everything is okay, and those feelings are not yet realized and not completed your stories.
For example, in what situations would anger be justified: 1. Someone restricts your freedom 2. Insults you or your loved ones 3. Torn off your hand and threw it into the river.
Anger is definitely appropriate here, but these are rare cases, most often we cut ourselves off with our loved ones and are very unjustified.
By developing this skill of awareness of the fact, you will move on to the stage when you know for sure that these feelings are about you, and you acknowledge this in front of others, are responsible for them.
This is a very great achievement, to recognize "that this is all I", it will qualitatively improve relationships and add joy and awareness. Of course, only this is not enough, feelings will still rise, and situations will repeat, but you already have a way out, you know how to separate facts from feelings and the situation will definitely not worsen, it will only get easier.
What to do next, how to deal with feelings, the cause of which is difficult to understand and to be with them is also difficult, and at the same time they interfere with life. Here it is better to seek help from a psychologist, he will help in solving this problem.
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