2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Anyone can reach akme,
not everyone can survive.
Sits hunched over. Crying. Tears drop-drop, drop-drop Well-groomed, slim, high-status.
- What are you crying about?
- I don't know … About myself …
I am silent. I'm waiting.
- I am fourty years old. There is no man … I am getting old … There they are all young, beautiful … They are fluttering … and I am so lonely …
The ancient Greeks called this period of life the beautiful concept of AKME, which meant flowering, peak achievements, a certain peak of development.
I am silent. I'm sorry. I do not ask the questions: "Who is" everyone? " I am not being ironic: "How many, how many years?" I am not encouraging: “Yes, you will have these men! … ".
That's not why she came. Bad for her. Really unbearable.
This fucking crisis. Midlife crisis. He is such a. Weighty … Follows you quietly, calmly. Vile so, sneaking up on the sly. And then - bam! And suddenly you notice that life, in general, is passing. Was going - going to achieve something. Did not happen.
If earlier, there, you will see a gray hair: "Oh, okay, nothing, I will paint over." Or a pair of wrinkles, for example, on the forehead - "a sign of intelligence." And she flew further with a feather in her ass, twirling on one heel in order to have time for everything. Now I will save up, here I will collect, then I will rest, I’ll work a little more, and then I’ll fly on vacation. You live for some illusory future. When this day comes, then…. However, it does not come.
A midlife crisis comes, when you really realize that you are not doing well. When you suddenly clearly understand the time of "prosperity" is numbered. Further - old age, and after it death. The time has come to revise the old ways of satisfying needs, because they no longer work. Life has changed. It is necessary to move to a new level. This, in principle, is the essence of the crisis.
When habitual accumulated stereotypes become irrelevant, in order to create a need to develop new ones, strong enough uncomfortable changes are needed. And this is important. Essential for creative accommodation and acceptance.
In general, a person goes through a lot of crises in life. The crisis of the first year, the crisis of three years, the crisis of seven years … There are many of them. They arise at the junction of ages and occupy the interval of life when one stage ends and another begins.
In the course of our life, our growing up, the rate of development slows down. And the time interval between crises is increasing. But they are !!! They are essential.
The most that we consciously remember is the adolescent crisis. Oh, it blows the roof off so that "Mom, do not cry!" If you're lucky, of course. Why you're lucky - I'll tell you now. Although the midlife crisis is also portable. It looks like a teenage rebellion, when it is no longer possible to live based on old beliefs, and new ones have not yet been accepted.
So, you see, what kind of thing turns out. If, at some stage of his development, a person has not experienced a certain crisis, or, let's say, he went "gently". It means that a person has not solved the tasks assigned by nature. They remained hanging, but did not go anywhere. Then, they are solved in the next crisis, but with a greater severity of survival. Unfortunately, we will have to complete them. Nature needs a person to live and reproduce, and she doesn't care how painful it is to him.
Actually, what is the brain blowing away from in this midlife crisis? From the need to recognize its finitude. That is to say, the fact of his own death.
And here it turns out a trap. A person is faced with the cultural syndrome of denial of the fact that life is finite. It is customary for us to pretend that there is no death, as it were. Even if it exists, it happens to everyone except him. Here, in fact, the onset of the "midlife crisis" brings us to the recognition of the inevitability of death with philosophical calmness.
And we are forced to make an important decision to prioritize, revise our own or someone's imposed system of values.
Values from the word "price". What is the value of the life lived up to this moment? Here is also a trap. A woman who raised a child, a woman who has achieved status, a woman who earns money - absolutely does not appreciate it. The man who provided for the family, the man who put the children on their feet, the man who achieved the position - absolutely does not appreciate this.
The beginning of depression and the beginning of disappointment in middle age just originates in this underestimation of "what does a person have at the moment?" And besides everything else, he also has: firstly - the experience of mistakes and falls, secondly - the experience of experiences, thirdly - talents that have not found their application. Now is the time to implement them, because the midlife crisis is the last reminder of this.
And although society does not see people after forty, even if we disagree with social role expectations, even if we go into the background - we are still! There are we who have reached this peak of our heyday. Wounded and healed, tortured and healed, wrung out and filled. Someone crawled, overpowering himself, scraping his knees and elbows to the point of blood, someone humbly carried his cross, someone whistling while jumping. We are here at the top to understand that time is neither expansive nor infinite. To understand the value of time and your own value of life in it.
A crisis is not an event; a crisis is a process. It cannot be cured and cannot be avoided. He must be re-lived. Do not jump, do not fly, do not get stuck at some stage. Just - LIVE-LIVE.
“You’re not alone,” I tell her. “There are many of us. Look around how many of us are there! We live, create, laugh, relax, sing and dance, spin, work. You can also live further.
These words were important to her. She raised her eyes, straightened her back, her face brightened and no longer seemed so sad.
The session has ended. She left.
Sitting. The office is quiet. Outside the window is my beautiful fifty-first summer. Tears drop-drop, drop-drop….
It turns out that she has not yet survived …
We must go, take out the brain to your psychologist.
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