2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Are you familiar with such a concept as “made up my own mind”, “screwed myself up”?
Just as fear has large eyes, so ignorance has a violent fantasy.
Our mind always wants clarity and transparency. If he does not receive this, or questions remain, or it takes time to clarify the circumstances, then our fantasies fill in the gaps.
In any situation between 2 people there are many words, actions, reactions that can lead to different conclusions. These conclusions do not always play in our favor and for the good of relations with each other.
A case from practice. The guy and the girl live in different cities. Unexpectedly for them, the guy had the opportunity to come to the girl's city. He found out about this two days before the trip. The girl, as much as she could, freed up time to spend it with her lover. However, there were still a couple of things to do.
In total, they had 2 full days and one evening.
At the end of his stay, the guy began to tell the girl that her feelings had cooled or, perhaps, fell in love with another, since she did not meet him at the station, left him alone for matters less important than him.
When they started talking and discussing each of the guy's arguments, it turned out that they were exaggerated and far-fetched. The guy spent all the days winding himself up, and did not even corny asked why she did this.
Second example. The husband and wife have a period of tense relationship. At times they quarrel a lot and it comes to divorce, but then they reconcile. During the truce, the husband is quick-tempered, does not always pay attention to his wife. The wife thinks that as a woman he is no longer attracted, and finds confirmation in his behavior. For several days he walks, winding himself up. As a result, the next day the husband comes more relaxed and shows his attention to her. In the conversation, it turns out that he had difficulties at work, worries, and he reacted sharply.
Third example. The two friends had an argument. Clarified the situation. One began to feel guilty. They rarely communicate, despite the fact that they are close enough. After the quarrel, we communicated from time to time, everything was fine. However, not for the one who felt guilty. All this time she was winding herself up. When she decided to talk to her friend, it turned out that she did not even remember the quarrel.
These are the simplest examples. And in fact, there are a lot of them. And often one person does not know what the other has thought up for himself.
Each of us can wind ourselves up to one degree or another. Moreover, we begin to believe in our "thoughts" so much that they become our sensations, and we lose the ability to trust our interlocutors when they say their version.
If you tend to concoct, cheat yourself, learn to stop it. One simple question "why are you doing this" or "what worries you" is enough. Couldn't stop yourself in time, so tell the interlocutor about your fantasy thoughts, listen to his view of the situation.
Protect yourself and your loved ones from such destructive thoughts.
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