2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
From the author. The choice of Fun is the choice of a mature person, this woman chooses not only with her heart, but with her head; her beloved is wealthy in every sense. He demonstrates real - active love and responsibility for the dear chosen one. With Ivan, Zabava will not disappear even if she is deprived of her succession to the throne and financial capital.
Yesterday I left the above commentary on the article of my colleague - psychologist Nadezhda Arkhangelskaya. From this comment my current publication was born.
In order to develop the position of the publication, I will resort after my colleague to the same cartoon image - to Fun, from the beloved fairy tale "The Flying Ship".
Do all readers remember this fairytale character in the same way? Let me remind you … Fun is a royal daughter, a young beauty who fell in love with a simple, country boy - kind, hard-working, cheerful and lively, and fled with her chosen one from the palace to marry her beloved.
My colleague, Nadezhda Arkhangelskaya, wrote about the heroine's adequate reality, not overestimated expectations (Fun does not wait for magic knights and unearthly celestials, but looks into the eyes of reality), which decides her love happiness. Continuing this topic, I consider it useful to add something very essential in relation to the happiness of the princess. But first, let's turn to sad examples from non-fairytale, reality …
"Male abuser" and the level of differentiation, who "did not see" their heroines. As an example of an unhappy love choice
Let's start with a definition … What is a "level of differentiation"?
This concept was introduced by the outstanding American psychiatrist, pioneer of family psychotherapy and the founder of systemic therapy - Murray Bowen (1913 - 1990). Bowen's degree of differentiation of a person is determined by the degree to which a given particular person is able to separate his own feelings from thoughts according to the situation, in other words, emotions and awareness. In fact, the level of differentiation is nothing more than an indicator of a person's inner maturity.
Male abuser.
The topic of love abuse is now heard. It is exaggerated, discussed thoroughly, given convincing examples to identify the types and warn the possible unfortunate victim. The most striking example of a male abuser is embodied in the film of the French director Le Besco Mayvenn - "My King". This illustration is for clarity, but we are now talking about something else.
Abuser, since it was he who was discussed (as an example of a completely unsuitable man for marriage), becomes such not in one "perfect moment" - already in marriage; he demonstrates his essence in the premarital period. But a woman who is passionately in love with him does not want to notice anything, since she is absorbed in the flame of relationships, in love fire - in her emotions.
Nevertheless, sooner or later the unfortunate woman still has to "wake up" and "turn on" her head … And then what? Beautiful illusions collapse, and they are replaced by the undeniable truth about a man with a split attitude towards a woman, who, in fact, takes revenge on his beloved for the wounds of his childhood, compensating for his complexes. Abuser skillfully plays the so-called love, but does not really love … Love, undoubtedly, and first of all, is the deepest respect for the unique person of the beloved (beloved). The abuser is incapable of respecting his woman, deep down he fights with her, resists, hates, and therefore provokes, harasses, and then severely punishes … "Rising up" at someone else's expense. Restoring in the mirror of "crooked relationships" your dented self … Sad story! Let's leave it … We are now about something else … About the fact, in fact, that women who are related to the choice of the chosen one unconsciously, "turning off" their head, demonstrate a low level of awareness - differentiation - maturity. For which they pay … To the great regret of eyewitnesses …
And, it would seem, what did it cost them to rely not only on feelings, but also on their heads, that is, on their own awareness, when making the overvalued choice of their lives? Following the example of the fairytale heroine of our childhood - Fun. Let's clarify the analogy.
Fun and level of character differentiation. As an example of a happy love choice
If I refer to the character I named, I will note the following: Fun chose her fiancé with both heart and head, her beloved not just “tries” about feelings or “buys” her love, he heroically conquers the chosen one, demonstrating his human mature solvency. Ivanushka's active love is genuine. This hero, seeking his beloved, passes all serious tests with honor: he built the Flying Ship, defended his choice, confirmed his love, rescued Fun, but most importantly, by doing the above, Ivan does not satisfy the delight of his own self - with his actions he promotes general, family happiness. Let me remind you of his motto …
"Small house, Russian stove, The floor is wooden, a bench and a candle, And the kids in the house of the gang, This is happiness, isn't it, Fun?"
And along the way, the consonant motto of Fun …
"Small house, Russian stove, The floor is wooden, a bench and a candle, Purr cat, hard-working husband, Here it is happiness, there is no sweeter it …"
The mature, valiant attitude of the cartoon boy is noted not only by the princess, but also by the inquisitive viewer - Ivan loves, you will not be lost with Ivan, Ivan will not give offense, Ivan is the protector and creator of a joint happy future.
The level of differentiation of the fairytale heroine is at a height: Fun will not fail with such a chosen one and will be like behind a wall.
Goals and objectives of my publication
Using the examples given above, I would like to push my readers to a conscious attitude in a fateful, value choice. Believe me, grooms (like other participants in any psychological circumstances) reveal themselves enough already at the first stage of the relationship. Be vigilant self esteem - take a closer look - remember: choosing a chosen one, you create your future - with your own hands. There is a proverb on this score: "To get married is not to attack, as if married not to perish." And let the happy cartoon heroines serve as an example for us.
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