2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I wrote this article either on the first or on the second of January - as part of summing up the results of last year. Then, in order to better understand the experience of the past year, I decided to highlight for myself the key thoughts and conclusions from different areas of life. Here I have selected only those that, in my opinion, may be of interest to other people.
To clarify: an article about my experience and my findings. To some they may seem interesting and useful, to others they may not be relevant at all. This is fine.
About the difficulties
Thought # 1. The formula “if you don’t know what to do, do something” works
In a situation where nothing is clear, you do not want anything, and in general everything is bad, it is good to do at least something. Moving forward gives feedback, which is very helpful. In addition, not all actions bring results immediately. Now I get the results of what I did in the first half of the year - it's nice. And the day before yesterday, I unexpectedly benefited greatly from the practice I did three years ago. I managed to forget about her, but she did not about me, as it turned out. So sometimes moving forward is beneficial on its own, even without a specific goal.
Thought # 2. Our unconscious is very smart
When you do not understand where to go, it is better to rely on intuition and bodily sensations. The mind is very deceiving.
Thought # 3. The body remembers everything
Even something that you want to forget once and for all, so as never to return to it. And stores in the form of diseases, sores and all sorts of psychosomatics. I was "lucky": I have so much psychosomatics that it would be enough for ten. I have tried yoga, vivation, outback, kinesiology, massages - the results are not yet impressive. Of all the things I've tried, the best result is the result of the constellations. At the end of the year I accidentally got into craniosacral therapy (I liked it very much, but it's too early to say anything), plans for reiki, floating. I will look for. By the way, one more argument in favor of point # 1: if a symptom does not go away for a long time, you just need to continue working with it (it will not go away the first time, it will go away from the tenth).
Thought # 4. If there is a problem, then for some reason it is needed
There are two options, why you need it. First, there is a resource inside that wants to manifest itself in this way. The second is the problem as an indicator that you are moving in the wrong direction and you are missing something important. By and large, this is all about the shadow. It’s difficult to accept, I don’t always succeed the first time - that’s why she’s a shadow.
Thought # 5. Feelings are hard
When you begin to experience the repressed, unrelived feelings, it is not always possible to pause the process. You cannot take to live a little of this, that and that - and then say “Stop! I do not want any more . It doesn't work that way.
About the environment
Thought # 6. When experiencing difficult emotions from the past, it is better to cut back on communication with loved ones
To a minimum. At such moments, everything is seen through a special filter. Well, and the projection. “There are no unpleasant people - there are people who very“successfully”mirror our shadow sides to us” (I don’t remember the author of the quote). A very smart idea. And you understand this very well afterwards, when the relationship is spoiled by the order. Try explaining to the person affected by your emotional outbursts that you were simply experiencing repressed feelings 20 years ago. It will turn out as with those spoons that were found, but the sediment remained.
By the way, Americans who regularly go to a psychotherapist are very much right. A safe space in which to think, talk about your feelings, and get quality, unbiased feedback. No girlfriend will give such feedback. Bottom line: if you want to maintain relationships with loved ones, it is better to work out psychological and emotional problems away from them. Clarification: I'm talking about experiencing the emotions of the past, not the complexities of the present.
Thought # 7. People cheat, violate boundaries and manipulate
Many do it not out of malice - they simply do not know how to do it differently. It is possible and necessary to fight back - also not out of malice. The ability to protect oneself is everyone's responsibility. Nobody is obligated to respect your boundaries. An important point: in order to understand where the problem is in another person, and where your own projections are, you need to constantly work on yourself. Otherwise, you can slip into paranoia and fight back where no one seems to have attacked.
And also: people who cheat, violate boundaries, and manipulate help to truly appreciate those who do not.
About childhood
Thought # 8. Early, unconscious childhood experiences affect personality much more than we would like
It's not very cool, and in some places it is even very scary. The fact that we once decided when we were 2-3 years old can affect our whole life, but we have no idea about it (traumatic experience is often amnesiac). Yes, and the feelings that a small child feels (including a baby) do not go anywhere. Adults also experience these feelings, they are usually simply explained by some logical and rational (adult!) Reason. This has been known for a long time, but when you understand how it works from personal experience, you freak out a little, to be honest.
About parents
Thought # 9. Parental Acceptance Is Really Important
Everything that we do not accept in our parents, we risk repeating. This is especially true of relationships with the opposite sex. Even childhood relationship with mom greatly affects money (!) And success (!). I will not write much about this - it was done before me.
Thought # 10. Parents give their children what they have (often the best they have)
Complaining about parents that they did not give something there is stupid. They gave what was. We are now all psychologically savvy, thanks to books, trainings, etc. Our parents did not have all of this. They couldn't teach us how to give feedback, how to praise, how to teach us how to manage our finances, etc. They didn't know it themselves. Their parents (the generation that survived the Second World War) did not know this either. In general, life there was completely different and not about that. It would be nice to remember this.
About life, mission and goals
Thought # 11. Everyone has their own path, and there can be many destinations
Life's purpose is fiction, and thank God. In fact, a person can have many purposes, and they can all relate to different areas of life. If you want to find a purpose, it would be good to make sure that this is not the intrigues of harmful children's parts, which at one time were really lacking in mom.
As for the path - there are no simple and formulaic answers. The popular wheel of balance in coaching does not work for everyone, and not everyone needs it. The same goes for other instruments. By the way, most of all energy is spent on “not your own”. On the contrary, it gives "its" energy, but there are most of all blocks and fears there. It's hard to give up “not your own”, since a lot of energy was once spent on it. Some kind of vicious circle.
Thought # 12. That our life is in our hands is only partly true
Each person is a part of larger systems (states, for example, and not only). These systems affect the lives of many people. The idea that a person is in complete control of his life is almost a claim to divinity. A person completely controls how to react to events, and only partially controls events, and not everything.
Thought # 13. The past cannot be more important than the future, but
If there is a repressed unlived experience in the past, it risks repeating itself in the future. Therefore, you need to work with the past. For the future.
About useful skills
Thought # 14. Decision making is very important
It can and should be learned. It doesn’t work right away, by the way. And one more thing: the decision not to make a decision is also a decision, and there is a fee for it too.
Thought # 15. The second most important skill is not to climb without asking other people
The habit of constantly solving other people's problems suggests that a person loses sight of his own, therefore, if you want to solve other people's problems (save), it is better to focus on your tasks. More confusing.
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