2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At the time when my fourth child was born, I already knew that all children are different, and what works with one may not work with another at all. I was quite confident in myself, since I had already gone through a lot in the practice of raising previous children. But my fourth child taught me one of the most important lessons. With him, I realized that there are children - exceptions, children with whom all the previous methods stop working, children - wise from birth. Children are teachers.
With such children, you need to forget everything that you read earlier, discard all the advice, relax, exhale and … imagine that you are him. Imagine that you are one. Tune in to it. Watch him as if it is the most interesting thing that could happen in your life. And then, gradually, you will learn at some completely new, different level to understand his desires, his aspirations, his needs and, in spite of all condemning or surprised looks, give it to him. You will allow yourself to hear him and learn from him.
It was thanks to my fourth child that the idea was once born, in addition to a coach course for caring for a baby up to one year old, to create groups of psychological support and the development of the wisdom of motherhood, in which the psychologist does not give advice and recommendations, but helps to establish contact with this particular mother with this particular baby, to see his unique features, teach him to hear his non-verbal requests and calls, learn to respond to him so that he understands it, and most importantly - learn to be happy in this interaction.
These first 12 months become life-defining in a child's life. Through contact with his mother, he learns the most important information in his life: Who is he? What is it worth? What is its value? Can he count on support? Can you trust this world? Can anything be achieved in this world?
All recent research in the field of psychology confirms that our basic trust in the world, our deep self-esteem, our confidence (or lack of confidence) in ourselves, our faith in ourselves, our anxiety and fear of failure come from there - from this very early period. our life.
Later, other factors and other, later experience will be superimposed on the idea of "who I am" and "what this world is like." But it is this basic platform that will form the basis of the developing personality.
But this period is also important for mom. Motherhood is not a static state, it is a process in which a woman's personality continues to develop, a mother grows spiritually along with her child. A good emotional contact between a mother and her baby ensures that this growth is started optimally. This is especially important for mothers with their first child. Conscious motherhood, based on harmonious emotional and physical interaction with her baby, helps a woman move from the role of a daughter to the role of a mother, that is, from one type of perception of the world and behavior to another, from one type of feeling the situation to another, and therefore to embark on a new the step of their spiritual and personal development.
If contact with the baby is broken or deformed, the woman seems to linger for some time on the previous step, while her child, driven by a powerful instinct for life and development, is actively growing. As he grows up, their relationship with his mother must take more and more forms. From complete fusion (pregnancy and the first months of life) to complete separation (adolescence and independent life).
So it turns out that if a mother lingered somewhere, “did not survive” spiritually one of the stages, her ideas about what was happening and how to build relationships cease to coincide with the feelings of the child. A misunderstanding between them arises and intensifies, the natural crises of the child's development are experienced very sharply, including the moment when an already matured child leaves the parental home.
Realization of all this simple and at the same time complex cycle prompted me to concentrate my activity in the field of perinatal psychology. That is, in other words, the next stage in the development of my motherhood (I mean, the birth of my fourth child) became at the same time the next stage of my professional growth.
Thanks to my son!
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