2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What if everyone around is jealous? What is the psychological aspect of such envy of all the people around?
The most important and important thing in the pathological envy of everyone around is that this is a projection. In other words, this is what is in me, but I give it to others. There will be several aspects here:
A person who thinks that everyone around him is envious himself is envious. A person wants to be envied because of some certain success. What's the catch here? He doesn't know that people can envy him. In this case, we are talking about low self-esteem - inside your consciousness you do not feel stable and confident enough, therefore you endow other people with envy in order to raise yourself a little "from under the plinth."
The position "and everyone envies me, mmm …" is rather arrogant. But just like arrogance, and the feeling that everyone envies you, are more likely defense mechanisms against your own low self-esteem. And what is behind this? A huge amount of unassigned successes! You consider yourself a “person below the baseboard” not because you don’t do anything in life, but on the contrary - because you do a lot in life, but you yourself cannot praise yourself for it, nor can you be proud of yourself. And that is why you send this projection to another person - even if he envies me, because I am so wonderful, but inside you still remain with your insignificant position. So, we have two opposite, slightly narcissistic, poles - arrogance and omnipotence on the one hand, and insignificance with self-flagellation on the other. Thus, a person inside himself remains in a position of insignificance, and endows the other with a position of arrogance and omnipotence (he is so cool that he envies you!). This is where cognitive dissonance comes in - it's so cool it makes you jealous!
In the mentality of people living in the former USSR, the essence of envy is fear. If another person envies me, as a rule, 90% of people consciously or unconsciously have fear, they will envy me, and everything will "go down the drain." Envy is bad, for some reason such a position was instilled in us, accordingly, an envious person has a certain power and scares you with it.
However, let's be realistic - no one and nothing can do in your life with the power of thought alone, much less kill all your successes and achievements.
Where did this fear of envy come from? The thing is that within yourself you do not recognize your successes, and do not consider them stabilized (it really happened, and I did it with my own hands; and this will happen as many times as necessary, even if everything collapses the first time) … In fact, there is no inner confidence in our own strengths and capabilities, so we endow others with envy, and it is they who spoil our success.
The idea of projection is quite simple, and the point is that we are afraid of jealousy. However, envy is about acknowledgment, that a person admires you, looking at your success and wanting to achieve it. Do not be afraid that another will steal all this from you!
Conventionally, there are two types of envy - white and black. White - this is admiration ("I would like to like you!"), And black - about an attempt to steal (relatively speaking - "Aha, you have such a wonderful blouse, I will come at night and steal!"). All people are very different, there are also vicious ones - "I have no success, and let nothing be there, but I will do everything possible for this!"). However, oddly enough, the opposite situation works here in a paradoxical way - if you are afraid, this will happen to you, and carrying your pride, successes and achievements confidently on your shoulders, you will not allow anyone to spit there. If someone can do it, you will find a way to benefit and organize everything in such a way as to recreate all that was lost. And the person who stole will have to steal again. All our beliefs are justified and it always works. That is why, if you sincerely believe that envy is bad, and it will ruin your life, try not to let envious people come to you. It is impossible to abruptly break such a belief, it will take time, sometimes even years, for you to check its absurdity ("I will tell you quite a bit about my success, will nothing collapse? Oh! It did not collapse, wow!").
There is another side of the coin - bragging. There is a category of people who complain as if they are bragging, and vice versa. Relatively speaking - when there is something to brag about, they complain; when there is something to complain about, they brag. This is a kind of attempt to provoke others to envy. However, the root of the problem lies in the same low self-esteem, self-doubt (I want to feel cool, but I see your shocked looks, etc.). Behind all this lies the inability to accept support and praise from the outside, you cannot just say: “Listen, such a wonderful event happened in my life! I really want to be praised and supported in this joy. In fact, a person has no experience of support in joy, perhaps they were only with him in sadness and in tears, and rejected joyful, stopping any communication, or simply people could not share this joy with him. Accordingly, due to the fact that in early childhood, early experiences, or at the time of the formation of the psyche, similar events occurred, now a person will react in the same way (due to the lack of abilities, and in general the right to resistance, acceptance, praise or admiration, a person tries like it's illegal to get bragging.) Perhaps for you, the embarrassment that accompanies the praise is so unbearable and difficult to live with that it is easier to perceive others as envious, arrogant and angry people.
So, if it seems to you that everyone around you is jealous, this could be a projection:
- you yourself do not acknowledge your achievements and successes;
- are afraid that they will be destroyed, as if you do not have power over them;
- you want to receive praise, but you do not have the permission and legal right to do it.
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