About Choice, Decision Making, Illusion, Confidence And Growing Up

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57

* A little messy post turned out, but whoever needs it will understand. And who does not understand, then God be with him:)

When a person has made a decision and is not sure if he did it right. When the responsibility is not taken for the fact that "Yes, I do not know what is the best way to act here, so I act as it will." When a person poked the part in which it was necessary to collect information, think and analyze. When it's scary to admit your vulnerability and ignorance. When you want to be ideal, and everything that does not correspond to the ideal is rejected.

Then, foaming at the mouth, our hero will try to convince as many people as possible of his innocence. So that internal uncertainty can be replaced with external confidence. Well, other people agree with me, so I did the right thing. The more consonants around, the less need to look into your own inner emptiness.

It is scary to look at the reasons for this emptiness. As into the abyss. And the inability to look into this abyss also has consequences.

It can be unpleasant to admit that there are solutions in which it is very easy to slip from “100% right” into “completely wrong”. This is how the illusion of ideality and ideal people collapses. Then the world is so scary - there are no simple answers and questions in it, and any decision can have any consequences, and there are no guarantees.

When a decision is made hastily, under the influence of feelings or impulse. And, if this decision is important and complex, in which there are many factors, facets and aspects, there is a risk of sticking something out. Out of haste. Gust. Emotional reactions. And then you need to take responsibility that it was you who dug a hole for yourself, out of the blue. Because there is a hole in the decision-making system. And then you can: a) close your eyes to this puncture - until the next time; b) engage in self-flagellation - until blue in the face; c) fix a hole in the decision-making system. And to say "thank you" to the situation that helped to reveal this puncture.

When you want to poke your finger at others. Well, they do it, and they get away with it. Others don't see what gets away with and why. You can only see what you want to see. No more.

And when you so want to be correct, ideal - like a prince on a white horse or some kind of super-hero. When you make fun of other people, their mistakes and blunders. And you don't forget, and you don't forgive. And here - a puncture. It's scary to admit that your ideals are worthless, and that the image of an ideal person can crumble like a sandy figurine in the wind. Once - and no.

But when there is an acceptance of one's imperfection, vulnerability to the world, one's ignorance - then maturation occurs. When you understand that any decision can be both right and wrong. And that any action (just like the absence of action) can lead to something good, and it can be fraught. And that a lot depends on you, and yet a lot does not depend at all. That if you think and analyze, then a lot can be foreseen, but there are things that cannot be foreseen.

Have you read the black swan? I recommend. (No, not the swan with Natalie Portman.)

When the illusions about ideality and omniscience collapse, an ordinary person remains. Imperfect, not omniscient, and vulnerable. And then you understand that others are just the same imperfect and not all-knowing people, regardless of how they present themselves. And any person can still take responsibility - but only for what is subject to him, and for what he can influence. And when this is done, you can take a deep breath and calm down.

Trying to take responsibility for something beyond your control is a claim to power, almost to divinity. An ordinary person cannot afford it, and there is no need for it. To each his own.

And the best choice, in some situations, is trust. Yourself and space.