2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We are used to: one person - one reality. I have my own reality, and my husband has his own. Sometimes our realities are interspersed: we have breakfast together, go to YouTube and ride our bicycles out of town. When I'm sad, he takes me by the shoulders and jokes a joke. I smile and level out the emotional background.
In most cases, no matter how unfortunate it may sound, the realities of loved ones rarely intersect. It happens that mom is anxious - and she is completely alone with this anxiety. Not at all because there are no people around her with whom she could share. The fact is that as soon as she starts expressing anxiety, she will immediately find a good-hearted employee and begin to convince her mother that she is again planning everything: that, they say, there is nothing to worry about. Instead of joining Mom’s reality, where anxiety reigns in the “now” moment, the employee chooses to ignore Mom’s reality, not wanting to plunge into discouragement.
This is understandable: the employee has his own reality, where it is inconvenient, inappropriate to accept and share the emotions of others, and indeed, he is not used to it. When he started tearing and throwing in childhood, his father immediately pulled him back: they say, why are you peeing with boiling water? Lonely shrugging his shoulders in his "wrong", "abnormal" reality, the man memorized: "anger is bad." This was also joined by: resentment is bad. Envy is bad. Showing your feelings is bad. Such a person will go through life in constant tension and fear, because emotions are now his enemy, and the only way to overcome the enemy is to suppress him, to suppress him. Let him sit and not protrude.
Every now and then I notice how much we are afraid of emotions. Due to the disapproval of certain emotions by parents, we prefer to keep our emotions tight-lipped. Life turns from a flow into a struggle: emotions continue to arise, and each time, as they arise, our task turns into imprisoning emotions in a closet. Over time, a whole bunch of prisoners of emotions accumulates in the closet, and they begin to plot a riot. Repressed emotions call attention to themselves, surfacing as diseases of the body.
The only reason we don't know how to connect to another person's subjective reality is because we feel separate.
Think about it: by definition, if we feel separate, then we assume that there are two points of view: mine and someone else's (thanks, Cap!). At the same time, relationships with other people are our most basic need. Therefore, if relationships are our vital need (no matter how hard we try to build a three-meter fence around us), we need to carefully filter what gets inside us from other people. We think other people's emotions are contagious. We spend so much time getting even a little closer to happiness that it would be too dangerous to risk these crumbs of joy.
Emotions are contagious, people with their realities are also contagious. The result of this relationship with others is isolation in one's own reality.
Fear of emotions (our own in the first place, and the emotions of other people - as a derivative) makes us increasingly distance ourselves from each other. As a result, we are so much hammered into our inner world that instead of the desired joy (which - what an irony! - consists in unity), we begin to grind ourselves: for hours, weeks, whole lives …
Remember when we talked about how repressed feelings cause illness? Everything that is true for the individual is also true for the social group. Any society, nation, population of the planet consists of individuals. If clearly defined streams prevail in the collective consciousness of people, the directions of these streams will be displayed on the material plane of the planet Earth. Is it not surprising that the coronavirus, so harmoniously combining isolation and the need for unity, played out in a period of mass disunity, the general competition of all creatures?
Let's invite each other into our reality! It's time to learn and teach each other to accept the feelings of other people as they are, without filters and additional settings, and to interact with their reality as important, present and present.
This morning I took the first step: my husband was upset that our vacation flight was canceled. Instead of getting upset with him or throwing all the jokes of the worlds on him, I chose to see his true state and told him about it. I said, "I can see that you are upset." I said, "It's okay to be upset because you've been waiting for this so much." I hugged him without expecting that he would immediately jump up, rejoice, what an understanding wife he has, overflowing with joy. And I felt that it became somehow unusually light and calm nearby.
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