5 Misconceptions Of Aspiring Fathers - And How To Get Rid Of Them

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Alov Alexander Mikhailovic

As you know, the average citizen plays great football, is well versed in geopolitics and is potentially the best parent. And if the first two competences are rarely tested, then the last one will sooner or later face a harsh life test. You can, of course, rely on the memory of ancestors and the all-knowing Google, but … For comparison, try to remember what you knew about sex and its consequences before the cherished first time. Information is now, of course, the sea, but debris floats in it, bless you. And delusions tend to spread quickly and settle in heads for a long time. Let's take a look at some of them

1. A child is a blank sheet, what you write will be. Accordingly, if the child begins to behave differently from what I taught (crying, passive, etc.), then someone else tried with his negative influence.

   It's actually not that simple. Behavior and developmental characteristics are influenced by more than just the social context. No less important, for example, the nature of the course of pregnancy and childbirth. In addition, even a baby has a temperament that is important to consider in learning. You don't need to go to extremes and fully adapt to it. But it is important to adequately select pedagogical methods.

2. The little one only needs a boob, so it is normal for a father to connect to the upbringing of a year at 2 (3, 4, 5 …). If during the "connection" it becomes clear that something is wrong with the child, then enemies are again involved.

   I must say that men in general greatly underestimate the importance of emotional contact. And connecting to upbringing n years after birth immediately with a set of requirements is the same as persuading an unfamiliar woman to have sex quickly and expecting that she will give fire. For a start, you need to give out the fire yourself. More precisely, simple human warmth. The later you start, the further you will be from the child and the more actively he will resist your influences.

3. A child is a small adult. You can negotiate with him, he will understand everything. And if then he does not do as agreed, then it’s just to spite me.

   A child is not an adult, even if it sometimes seems very similar. So that you understand, for example, thinking in terms of the formation of concepts (not those) develops by the age of 12. Do you expect that he will learn your logic already in 2 (3, 4, 5 …) and will follow it? It's just beyond his capabilities. Therefore, yes, he will nod to you on the lecture about the unacceptability of jumping through puddles and licking dirty hands, but he will still do it. Not out of spite (although it happens often in three-year-olds). He simply does not know how to control himself. If you want to help you learn, just repeat the most important rules over and over again. I will not write about the requirements for drawing up rules now - a separate article is needed here.

4. The child behaves the same with everyone. Therefore, if a wife complains that she cannot cope, and in my presence it is silk, these are the wife's pens. And I am handsome.

   I must say, this is one of the most destructive delusions for a family. The child is constantly experimenting with the boundaries of what is permitted. You probably don't see most of these experiments, simply because you spend significantly less time with him than your mother. Of course, it's nice to consider yourself a parent of the level of God, and you don't want to spend the evening after work on pedagogy, but think about this. Having realized that you do not share the mother's claims to him, the child will begin to consider them unfounded. And a little later, they will seem just as unreasonable when they start coming from you. And even if for some time the offspring will still obey out of fear, sooner or later for you he will become as uncontrollable as he once was for your wife.

5. The child does not need to somehow be purposefully engaged there. He will learn everything himself over time, but for now let him play.

   The misconception here is that there is an inequality between “playing” and “practicing”. Up to 7 years old for a child everything is a game. Through her, he learns himself, the world, social relations, rules, roles and much more. Therefore, one bias (now, however, it is more in the female part) is to shove the child into all sections in a row, even if he does not particularly like them. From this only overwork and suppressed curiosity. Another bias is not to interfere with the child's play at all. Of course, the child will find something to do with himself (especially if you hand him a tablet on time), but an adult is able to stimulate his activity by asking different questions, creating new play situations, and even just playing along. This not only contributes to development, but also greatly strengthens the parent-child relationship. In general, useful from all sides.

Summing up, I would like to note that the main difficulties of a young father are his own detachment from upbringing and overestimated expectations. All sorts of myths and delusions stick to them. Therefore, try as far as possible to get involved in the process and learn to enjoy it. Then, even having made a pedagogical mistake, you will be able to quickly correct it.