How To Keep The Energy Of Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It is very important for any person, regardless of age, nationality or social status, to love and be loved. It is known that beloved children grow into adults who know how to love. This feeling, and it alone, can work wonders. Love is also necessary for a person, like the need for food

Love begins with a feeling of flight: time seems to disappear, a surge of energy is felt, lovers are enchanted by their chosen one. The body releases the hormone dopamine, which causes a state of euphoria. For the first time, love can visit at any age, and this is usually called the first love. As a rule, these feelings are remembered for a lifetime, and the person to whom the first strong love is addressed becomes special, he is often idealized and compared to him by subsequent partners. In love, there is a lot of romanticism, sublime feelings, passion. At the beginning of the relationship, each of the partners, trying to please, demonstrates the most positive aspects. In addition, when meeting a man or woman of their dreams, lovers involuntarily project their expectations onto this person and see mainly only his positive sides. Everyone unconsciously tries to find echoes of childhood or the outline of their first love in their partner. But everyone has their own expectations … and they do not always coincide, becoming the cause of the first quarrels.

Straight, not a detour

In a relationship, each of the partners tries to satisfy their needs in one way or another, so it would not be bad to be aware of them and try to express desires directly, and not “go bypass routes”. For example, one of the parties, at the slightest quarrel, demonstrates a break in relations, but in fact she wants confirmation of her value and love. When a person understands what he is really waiting for, he does not shift the responsibility onto another. This allows close people to get to know, understand and accept each other better.

A common cause of stress is the suppression of feelings and their attitude to the behavior of a partner. In the "silence", everyone has their own motive: someone is afraid to offend, someone's offenses "stand lumpy" in the throat and do not allow to speak. As a result, mutual unspoken claims, unfulfilled expectations, dissatisfaction, alienation, the feeling that there is no understanding, accumulate.

Strength recipe

You do not need to be afraid of feelings and emotions, it is important to talk about your needs, the reasons for resentment and discontent. Partners cannot know how they would like to be loved, and cannot anticipate each other's desires.

A striking example is the situation when one of the spouses is sincerely sure that he takes care of his partner, when he avoids conflict situations, turns a blind eye to negative behavior, while accumulating enormous irritation and resentment, which can cause a "grand scandal" over a trifle.

Often, the partner does not receive signs of discontent from the other half and does not change anything in behavior, since it seems to him that everything is fine in the relationship. And the outbreak of the conflict can be regarded by him as aggression or even rejection.

In clashes, the danger is that partners begin to pour out the accumulated discontent with such intensity that they often exacerbate the situation and hurt each other. This kind of "showdown" can be devastating for a couple. “I – statements” would help to constructively resolve the conflict when it is important to speak on your own behalf and about your feelings. This helps the partners to hear each other without mutual accusations and prevent the "love boat" from crashing into pitfalls.

In a relationship, it is important to strive to avoid trying to change your partner and fit him into the expected idealized image. You can only change yourself. Pointing out your partner's flaws and comparing them to others can undermine the strength of the relationship. Paying attention to the merits and strengths, it is easy to notice how a loved one is magically changing.

I am free!

One of the important values for every person is freedom. How does it fit with affection in intimate relationships?

Often partners try to restrict each other's freedom, controlling each step. This model of behavior forms dependence, the feeling of freedom disappears.

In reality, control is an attempt to satisfy a strong need for love and overcome the fear of being alone. Only in mutual trust can true partnership be born. Trust is the basis of a happy relationship, that fragile component, without which friendship, love and respect are impossible. His absence is filled with disappointment and resentment.

In a mature partnership, responsibility is distributed between the spouses without bias to one side or a complete rejection of it and shifting to the “other half”.

It is important that the alliance is not built according to the "child - parent" scheme, in which the "parent" bears undivided responsibility and sooner or later gets tired of this role, accumulating dissatisfaction and irritation.

Or "child - child", where both partners are unable to make serious decisions, relying on each other. Such relationships rarely develop into something serious, long-term.

Thus, true feelings appear when there is a willingness to see a partner for who he is and to accept him along with his shortcomings, when there is a desire to learn to speak and negotiate. And growing out of love and passion, attachment, mature love and intimacy give a feeling of calm and protection.

To know true love, it is important to know each other, make friends, and then love. However, not all couples come to mature love and break up in the most difficult, crisis moments of the relationship, thinking that love has already ended. In fact, it never even started. After all, you still need to grow up to it! And nurturing relationships is the creative work that each of the participants in the process can do better!

Clarification of positions

A quarrel or conflict, "clarification of positions" is a necessary part of the development of relations when we upset the balance in order to find it on a different level. Therefore, it is important not to avoid them.

In conflict:

- go from accusations to "I-messages"

- maintain mutual respect and do not get personal, talk only about the behavior of your partner

- focus on solving the problem and stay on the topic (one reason - one quarrel)

- "do not hit below the belt" (in the emotionally weak points of the partner)

- choose the time for fights

- Conflict in private

- don't make analogies

- forbidden phrases "You always" and "You never" - going beyond the local conflict

- bring the "business" to the end and come to a compromise, unresolved conflicts and dissatisfaction only increase the tension.

Important:

- to be aware and directly express their desires. Talk about why they are important to you;

- express immediately if something is not pleasant in the form of “I-statements”, and not accusations, claims and criticism;

- avoid attempts to change a partner and fit into the expected and idealized image, making claims and critical remarks;

- take into account the look and feelings of the partner, because sometimes we listen in order to answer, and not to understand. Agree, it's nice when a loved one understands you, moreover, it makes you very close;

- respect the personal space of the partner. It is not for nothing that the symbol of marriage is rings that only partially overlap each other, which symbolizes the presence of a common and individual space in a pair;

- to thank each other. This is a very important point to keep in balance. When partners value each other's efforts and contributions, this motivates them to take even greater care;

- admit guilt and ask for forgiveness. Mutual grudges add a lot of tension to a relationship. And the grievances accumulated over the years can become a "wall" behind which one cannot often see each other;

- to recall more often how it all began, how you liked your partner, what qualities they paid attention to then;

- to spend leisure time together: joint activities, common projects and interests bring people together. This can be watching a movie, after which you want to share your feelings and thoughts, walks in the evenings, romantic meetings that can be organized together: breakfast for two, evening tea, dates - which can later become traditions;

- never cease to be interested in and get to know each other. It is enough to ask how the day went. This will allow you to feel caring and feel your own value for a partner;

- be honest and preserve trust as a foundation for close relationships and a guarantee of their stability. Moreover, this is the basis for sincere self-disclosure and real intimacy, the opportunity to be yourself. It is then that the couple discovers the shadow sides in each other and learns to accept them.