Speak Different Languages

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Conflicts in our lives happen for a variety of reasons. Different views on the same issue, different family values and attitudes, different upbringing and experience. These are all important causes of conflict. But almost always, having the opportunity to explain to another person what exactly you did not agree on and why, the conflict can be avoided. Just talk and hear each other. So why is it so hard to do? It seems that sometimes it is simply impossible.

It's all about what language you speak.

A person has two basic basic abilities: to know and to love. They correlate with how we perceive the surrounding reality at the moment: through logic or through emotions. It is no secret that in some people one of the abilities may be better developed than the other.

Let's hypothesize a couple, husband and wife. He is a logician with a developed ability to "know". She is emotional and with a developed ability to "love". Each of us looks at another person through the prism of ourselves, and expects the same reactions from the other person.

And here are two mirror situations:

1. The husband comes home tired and in a bad mood. He is tired. And he quarreled with the boss. He tells his wife about it. And she tries to support him as best she can. Exactly how she would like him to do to her. She regrets. And it makes him angry. A conflict arises in which the wife is sure that her husband “breaks down” on her for no reason because of work. And so he leaves to communicate with a friend / brother / sister / father or someone else whose "language" coincides with his. They will not regret him there, no. There they will ask many clarifying questions and draw his attention to some points that he might not have noticed. Maybe they will give advice. And then he will try not to talk to his wife about problems at work. And this will offend her even more.
2. The wife comes home after being reprimanded by the boss and tells her husband about it. From his "logical" bell tower, he begins to analyze her behavior and give advice. And he stumbles upon even greater indignation, but already directed at him, and not at the boss. She does not need advice, she herself knows what to do. She needs to be stroked on the head, made tea and said: “Honey, don't worry. He is a bastard, and you are the best for me. " And that's it! She needs emotional support, not logical support. And she will just go to talk about her problems to someone who hears her, in her language.

And this is how people can get stuck in their different "perceptions" and take offense at each other for exceptionally good intentions, considering each other cold or nervous.

But even if you are lucky and you and your partner have the same dominant language, this is not a guarantee of complete peace. After all, there are also emergencies that are unsettling. And in such a situation, these abilities begin to switch, like a toggle switch back and forth. And if they get in antiphase - that's it, sushi oars.

- You didn't come on time and didn't even call! Do you have any idea how worried I am? (emotions)

- I was at the meeting, it ended late. And when I was driving home, my phone was dead. Why are you so worried? What could happen? (logics)

- Yeah. Ie to see, the phone is almost discharged, you could not before leaving work? And at least write? Do not make excuses! You could do everything, but did not think. (well, ok, I’m logic for you too)

- What are you doing here? Do you think the end of the world! Yes, I didn't. I'm tired, by the way! And I had no time for that! (well, everything, you are emotions, so I will too!)

What's happening? The ability switches, but at the same time, two people continue to speak different languages at the same time.

The most interesting thing about this is that when people suddenly become involved in communication from the point of view of one basic ability, the conflict exhausts itself very quickly.

Sometimes it is so important to hear each other and understand that we are all different. And the main thing is to accept these differences. To regret when a person needs acceptance and love and to show interest, when a person needs support and advice. And not to impose what we ourselves would like to get in this situation.