2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Recently I listened to a lecture on self-esteem. One of the reasons for low or shaky self-esteem was considered the desire to be an excellent student. Previously, I did not connect these concepts. And upon closer examination, I was very surprised.
I am sharing with you information on this topic.
Can an ordinary child have such an inquisitive mind that he is interested in absolutely all the subjects at school? No. And the proof of this is the excellent students themselves, who were "pulled" in some subjects.
We all have inclinations that shape our abilities. There will always be something leading and key in us. Yes, if we try very hard, we can memorize many objects without understanding what we are talking about at all. And in most cases, what does not in any way evoke a response in us, does not excite us, it is difficult for us.
Despite this, there are and will be excellent students. And the question arises: "how then do children become them?"
There is a very strong inner motive - the desire to "be good", "to get the attention of the mother", "to please the parents." Children do this because in this way they are good enough for the love of their parents.
I know one person who is always interested in something new. He studies all subjects as an adult. He's really interested in it. And he goes into the depth of the study. He will tell you about biology, physics, chemistry, explain problem solving in several languages. What is most interesting, he finds time for this. It's not that hard if you have curiosity about everything.
Of all the people I have met, he is the only one.
What are the former excellent students interested in? To what they are drawn to. All school subjects do not attract them in adulthood.
And where does their habit of getting excellent marks in all subjects go?
It transforms into a habit of being the best at everything. And if a person did not cope with something, something did not work out, then he is a "bad specialist", "bad mother", "bad son", "bad wife." They give themselves two when something goes wrong in their life. It doesn't matter if it's a failed job interview, or if their child starts talking too late.
Excellent students were forced to do what others wanted. Therefore, having received not the highest score, they were upset. And life often gives low scores. And of course, in such conditions, our self-esteem, like a cardiac cardiogram, flies up and down. Excellent students were not given the right to form their adequate assessment, self-worth. Therefore, their self-worth depends on how well they act in relation to the world and how responsive the world is to them. Any inattention on the part of others or "I am not like the others" will be regarded as "I am not good enough."
What situations can there be from life?
All situations with children, "something, somewhere is wrong" = I am a bad parent
When there is a downturn at work, a mistake was made, the manager made a comment = I'm a bad specialist
In relationships with partners: any divorce, betrayal, scandal = I'm a bad spouse
What can I recommend?
An honest conversation with your excellent student. What are the goals? What does he really want? And set him free. Let him get rid of the dependence on assessments. Conduct such a ritual in your mind.
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