How To Build Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How to Build Relationships (Marital / Partnership)

To start building relationships, you first need to enter into these relationships.

What drives us when we want a relationship? From loneliness, the thirst for someone to take care of, the desire to take care of you, for the sake of interest, to learn new things, at the same time, like everyone else, not like everything, so it is necessary, parents forced, for the sake of benefit, forced, it happened, etc. Try to answer the question "Why do I need a relationship?", You will understand a lot.

You can go through the list in order to guess the scenario of the alleged relationship.

From loneliness - you need to understand what kind of loneliness (internal or external, where and when it appeared, what is behind it) the partner cannot fill the loneliness if there is not enough dad (there was a divorce of the parents), grandfather, brother and you yearn for them.

The thirst for someone cares - yes, it is inherent in a person, it is important to understand the measure and not cross the border.

The desire to be taken care of - as in the previous paragraph, taking into account that the basis here is laid in childhood.

For the sake of interest - the result can be very diverse, you need to be prepared for this, realizing that the partner has his own feelings.

To learn new things - new experience, both positive and negative, can be acquired here.

At the same time, like everyone else, not like - to be like someone, keep up with someone, or vice versa, no one expects, but I will.

Parents forced - life is yours, and you have to decide as an adult. If the opinion of your parents influences you so much, if you are afraid to disappoint them, offend them, not justify their hopes, if you are completely dependent on them both morally and financially, then the question of when you start to grow up, become independent and separate from your parents is relevant for you (separation I mean the internal: you can live in one apartment and be an absolutely independent person, or you can live in different cities and not be free).

For the sake of profit, this is not the same freedom as with parents, you will be constantly dependent, and someone else's will never be yours, or you will need to pay some price for this to balance, and this is not always a material price.

Forced and it happened so - again the relationship will begin with lack of freedom, they will need to be leveled, corrected, corrected, as a result, the resource for this will no longer be enough, and the question will arise, what next.

To summarize, we get the following:

it is desirable to enter into a relationship in an adult position (age does not matter in this case, you can be separated from your parents at the age of 20, and at the age of 30 you can have a symbiotic relationship with your mother).

This decision should be made by you on your own, no one should influence him, no one should press you, unless you yourself ask for advice on this issue. A very important point - the goals that drive you when entering a relationship are important! If the goals are not clear, blurred, if they are not at all, then everything will go like this. If “Here's a child to learn, and that's all” - do not be surprised that when the child receives an education, the relationship may end (divorce or care, depends on whether it is an official or civil marriage). Or "We would like to build a house" and so on.

Formulate your goals very clearly and competently, and! they should be mutual (if a wife wants a dacha, the development of her inner world, a child, and the husband is not ready for the birth of a child, with nature on "you", likes to stay at home, and the phrase "personal development" is about nothing for him, then either each on their own, without support, without understanding, with further reproaches and scandals, or scatter). Here you can only make claims to yourself. If you thought, but didn’t voice it, but decided, let’s wait, the child will be born and it will be in my opinion - “It will not be”. Because my husband thought too, but! In my own way.

You need to enter into relationships on an equal footing - partners. A husband does not have to be a dad for a wife. A wife is not a mother to a husband. The support and support that can be counted on in a relationship should be partner, not parental, these are two different things. Very often spouses expect from each other what they are not able to give to each other, I repeat, they cannot become parents for their partners. If this happens, divorce is often inevitable, as going to bed with “mom” or “dad” is incest.

Of course, there are no ideal families, there is no ideal parenting in families, for various reasons. But when you have information, you can already understand something, even try to fix something in order to become harmonious, to become calm, to become happy …