2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"All our suffering is from desire"
In continuation of this thought, we can say that all our suffering is from expectations. If we expect the other person to do what we want, we will by definition suffer. Psychologists conducted an analysis on the basis of which they determined that men and women do not equally perceive the word "betrayal". In practice, not all people - this concept is associated with sexual contacts on the side.
When the word "betrayal" is used, people more often imagine their partner flirting on the side or indulging in fleshly pleasures with his (her) lover (s). This is actually a more complex concept. For some, adultery is sex outside of marriage. Others use this word to describe a decrease in the emotional bond between spouses, when one loses all interest in the other. Before answering the question: “What is considered adultery in a relationship?”, Let's find out how this concept is denoted.
- The first character of betrayal: these are fleeting relationships that end in intimacy. As a rule, after the first sex, the connection between lovers does not continue and emotional closeness does not form between them.
- The second nature: the relationship between lovers becomes long-term (up to 1-1.5 years). The cheater (s) do not want to leave his mistress (s), but they are not ready to destroy the family either.
- Third: this variant of betrayal means that a person, in addition to the main partner, has many lovers (q) on the side.
- Fourth character: here infidelity arises due to problems in the marriage. One of the partners, thus, fills the void that has arisen.
- The fifth is emotional betrayal. There is a powerful emotional connection with the person on the side. But this relationship is friendly; there is no sex in this relationship.
In a state of such strong mental confusion and mental pain, a person can begin to perform various actions, take revenge, try to figure out the situation on their own. And this is more than natural: we all want to get rid of pain as quickly as possible by making a hasty decision on how to live on. Unfortunately, more often than not, this solution is to break up the relationship. Nevertheless, psychologists specializing in the psychology of infidelity advise, just not to make any sudden movements in a state of passion. It should take quite a long time before a person can calm down and meaningfully decide what to do. There is a saying: "He who has changed once, will change in the future." In fact, this is not at all the case.
There are very few pathological traitors in serious relationships. In the vast majority of cases, a partner's betrayal is his reaction to a situation that has developed within your interpersonal relationships. Re-cheating will happen only if the mistakes made are not corrected.
At the same time, the deceived partner should not blame himself for what happened. “There is something that is subject to our control and in our power, and something that is beyond our capabilities and resources. Taking the blame completely upon ourselves, we can even push our partner to repeat adultery, giving the other a kind of“absolution”. Most psychologists agree on this question: "What is considered adultery in a relationship?"
They admit that no person will cheat without reason, even if he really liked the stranger (s). Psychologists identify several circumstances by which men and women are "pulled to the left."
Faded feelings of love or a completely ruined relationship.
Unwillingness of partners to recognize and solve existing difficulties in a joint alliance.
Reasons of a psychological nature: often a man asserts himself through betrayal. In the modern male environment, there is an opinion that a "real" man should have an official spouse and mistress. This enhances his position in the eyes of friends and acquaintances.
Experts say that one of the most difficult areas is relationship psychology. Cheating in the union of a man and a woman is very common. It is with this problem that married couples often turn to a psychologist. But even more couples are silent about relationship problems.
Psychologists advise focusing on aspects that confirm that the relationship is becoming dangerous.
- Unreasonable changes in the mood of one of the partners.
- Frequent complaints to friends, relatives and acquaintances about their soul mate and their dedication to all the details of their personal life.
- Excessive isolation, when one of the partners diligently hides his feelings and experiences.
And yet, if a person repents of perfect betrayal to his partner, if he realizes that he has done something bad, and is ready not to repeat it, he should be forgiven. A person's own conscience should be the guarantor that the betrayal will not happen again. If he loves another, he should not seek the need to be with anyone else. But there must be a powerful fear of hurting feelings or hurting a loved one. Psychologists note that many couples, no matter how hard they try, still cannot improve relations after infidelity, because they do not want to do this because of the deepest emotional trauma. Others do not want to talk to each other about the situation and find out the circumstances that caused this to happen. The problem is that people don't know how to forgive. To forgive and accept a partner, a person must have their personal needs for interest, moral support, and acceptance fulfilled. And these are all psychological questions. And if they are not resolved in time, this can lead to irreversible consequences in the relationship.
Of course, keeping the relationship or breaking up is everyone's personal business. But it is important to understand that if you choose to stay in a relationship after an affair, the work of restoring trust and integrity is serious. And yet you need to be honest with yourself, betrayal is and always remains a betrayal. I agree that everyone brings something of their own into this concept, and therefore one should not worry too much about whether it is worth seeking help from a specialist who works with married couples. Therefore, those who are faced with such a crisis in relationships need to decide for themselves where to put the comma,
You cannot forgive Forget
My name is Oleg Anatolyevich Zhelezkov.
I am a Clinical Psychologist, Certified Practical Psychologist.
I will be glad to help you, I conduct consultations in person and via Skype.
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