2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
According to the central concept of Christian anthropology and psychology, man is a Personality, created in the image of God and striving for the likeness of God.
Personality arises already at the moment of conception and develops throughout its life. Personality has various characteristics, the main of which is its uniqueness, singularity, originality. Moreover, at all times, no two identical people were born - each is unique.
If we only imagine that we are in front of us - the image of God, even if two or four years old, then can we tell him that he is bad or good? That he is a fine fellow or not a fine fellow? Can we assess the Personality if we observe not the personality itself in all its diversity and completeness, but what it does or does not do at the moment?
Assessment of the Personality excludes the possibility of respecting it, accepting it in its uniqueness, since it forces the assessor to take the position of a more developed being, who is endowed with the rights to distribute these assessments, that is, to judge.
Sometimes there is a feeling that nothing so terrible will happen if you praise the child with phrases such as "clever", "well done", "you did a good job."
All would be fine, but behind them there are at least three dangers:
"Today I am a good fellow, but tomorrow I am not a good fellow?" Do you think you can always be successful, and how can you learn to experience failure at the same time? Either I will make efforts to become neurotic, in order to be “well done” all the time, painfully experiencing “not a good fellow”, or I will stop making efforts altogether, since I will always be “not well done”.
"Today I did my best, but tomorrow and the day after tomorrow someone else is doing well." How does the group relate to a person who is always great? The origin of unhealthy competition has its origins in comparisons between children: someone is better than me today. In the end, everyone has their own pace of completing the task, their own manner and tactics. “I am trying very hard and in a hurry. But I cannot do otherwise than the other one, so I will not be "well done" again. And the one who will be - I will begin to quietly hate … "Or, if I am always a good fellow, I will be both neurotic (point 1) and rejected because of the envy and jealousy of others who want to be" good."
"I am a fine fellow, but that boy is a fine fellow?" If two people are unique, can they be compared? Ultimately, a dependence on assessment is formed, an orientation towards finding positive assessments and a constant comparison of oneself with other children (people).
Of course, the child constantly performs actions that evoke various emotions in us, which we can fully express to ourselves. The question is precisely in the form of expression. Here, the formulation of sentences comes to the rescue when the statement, expression of emotion, feeling or state, as a reaction to the child's action, comes from its own person.
Let's compare examples:
How we say - A: How should we say - B:
A. Clever girl B. I liked the way you did it!
A. Well done B. I'm so glad you cleaned up after yourself
A. I did my best today B. I am very pleased that you completed this task, tried
A. Good boy / girl B. I love it when you say / do that …
A. Beautiful picture B. How I liked how you painted!
A. Nice dress and hairstyle, it suits you B I really like the way you look today
_
A. Silly, fool, B I'm very angry that you broke the vase
A. Bad boy / girl B. I'm upset that you didn't put the toys away
A. This is terribly ugly, only fools behave like that! B. I am very sad that you scattered these toys
These are just a few sayings that help in the formation of a psychologically healthy personality. In order to learn how to express your attitude correctly, you can master the method of "I-statements". The sequence of the sentence is built according to the scheme: fact, thoughts, feelings, desires, intentions.
Example:
I have repeatedly caught myself on the fact that I evaluate the actions of my child with the words "smart", "well done" or "are you stupid, or what?" (fact).
I realized that by my statements I can greatly spoil his quality of life both now and in the future (thoughts).
I was very upset and guilty about my intemperance in words (feelings).
I really want to help my children grow up psychologically healthy (desire).
I am going to improve my parenting and psychological competence (intentions).
As it will be in the phrase:
You didn't put away your toys today (fact) -
you probably played too much and forgot to do it (thoughts).
I was upset when I saw the toys (feelings) scattered
I would really like you to remove them at the end of the game (wish).
Let me help you a little this time, and then you will do it yourself again (intentions).
This is a complete form, which, of course, is not always suitable for communicating with loved ones. But if you practice, you can learn to highlight the main thoughts that are adequate to the context, but within the framework of "I-statement", without becoming personal.
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