2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
1. Degrading the status of a teacher
Usually teacher devaluation arises on the basis of competition: parents begin to compete with the teacher, who suddenly at some point becomes more authoritative for the child than themselves. As a rule, adults unconsciously get involved in this struggle and, by their own actions, destroy the possible alliance between teacher and student, which is very important for all subsequent years of study.
If the child learns to build relationships with the teacher, in the future it will be easy for him to establish them with other people who are important to him.
In this situation, your task is to trust your child, to understand that he will not go to the conditional Marya Ivanovna, no matter how beautiful she is.
When you really have doubts about the competence of the teacher, talk to him directly. There is no need to involve the child in this, he already has enough stress and worries at school. If you comment on the teacher's actions with him, this will not make his life easier, but rather complicate it.
2. Solving conflict situations not with the parents of the second child, but with the child himself
This is not only an ugly mistake, but also a violation of the law. You have no right to influence someone else's child. If you have any complaints, you should first of all contact the class teacher and, through him, already contact the parents. As much as you would like to punish the offender yourself, follow the rules. Your child, of course, should know that he can always count on the support of mom and dad. But it must be rendered wisely.
In the first grade, children are too young to reason sensibly, do not take their place, try to stay in an adult position and solve the problem at your own, adult level.
3. Using programming phrases: "It will be difficult at school!"
These phrases are very similar to parental projections. This is what they experienced when they went to school themselves, and now they expect their son or daughter to experience similar feelings. Of course, when an adult says that "it will be difficult at school" or "there are angry children, teachers", he wants to protect his child from disappointment. But such "care" does not allow the newly-made schoolchild to draw their own conclusions. The child knows nothing about kindergarten or school. If he does not have parental projections, he will come there without any expectations. This is a big plus.
Along with the negative ones, I would not use any bright, positive formulations: “you will like it very much at school”, “it’s so interesting there”, “you will definitely find many new friends in the classroom,” etc. They also contribute to the emergence different expectations. But the chances are high that they will not come true.
It is better to use only facts without emotional coloring: you are not going to school alone, there will be 20 more people, you will have a teacher, etc. And then let the child himself fantasize about what awaits him at school, without your help.
4. Excessive independence
It is important for any child that parents see his achievements. It is adults who are the yardstick that can confirm academic success. For 7–8 years old, this is an absolutely normal need. If mom and dad do not care, they are not interested in school life, the child begins to feel very lonely. You can not do it this way. Always ask a new student: what's new, how was the day, whether he needs help or can he handle it himself. Be attentive to the needs, feelings, problems of your own child. Otherwise, the child may try to get your attention with other things - bad grades or behavior.
5. Scold for poor performance
Such things are the result of unjustified parental expectations. Mom and Dad want their child to be the best. If he suddenly fails to become a leader, adults begin to peck at him, shame and shame him. It seems to them that in this way they provide support, motivate for success. But in fact, they are constantly devaluing him. Even the phrase “you’re so smart that you don’t use your mind” leads the newly-minted student to even more anxiety and self-doubt.
The task of parents is not to worry about the child being an excellent student, but to try to understand what is happening to him within the walls of the school. Perhaps it is really difficult for him! He can simply speak more slowly than others, think longer. And not because he is stupid, but because of his personality traits.
Focus on success, not failure. And come to terms with the idea that you are just growing up as a child. Give him the opportunity not to be a genius. And then, oddly enough, he will reward you with his successes.
6. Scold in front of classmates
Doing so undermines your child's credibility in the eyes of other children. If you are unhappy with your child, come and talk to him at home. Why endure quarrels in public? The child is already worried if he is really guilty of something or has encountered some kind of trouble.
7. Using the phrase "behave yourself, don't play around"
This phrase is most often heard from anxious parents, who themselves are often afraid of falling into a situation of shame. But the problem is that when we say these things, we kind of mean that the child will definitely misbehave. The message is: "Is it possible to expect something good from you, you will definitely embarrass us." Naturally, there are children who will definitely want to behave badly (you have to live up to expectations). My biology teacher used to say: if a child is constantly told that he is a fool, then he will definitely become one. And there is.
The most correct option in this case is to discuss with the child the rules of conduct in a public place, the rules of conduct in the lesson. So that he knows about them and they do not become news to him.
8. Violation of the regime
It is desirable to accustom to the regime from birth. When a child knows that every day at the same time he eats, watches cartoons, sleeps, this forms the stability of the world around him. It will be easy for such children to get used to the new daily routine at school, because he had lived according to the regime before. If everything in the family happens spontaneously, then when the child goes to the first grade, where everything is structured, he will have stress. In any case, it is better to organize your life in advance. At least food and sleep should be on schedule. Live in this rhythm for at least a month before school.
9. Comparisons with classmates
Comparison and alignment with others with the idea that a child should catch up and surpass his classmates is fundamentally wrong. It causes competition, hatred, envy in children. The one who is set as an example will definitely become enemy number 1 for your child.
Envy is not a bad feeling. This is always a signal of what you dream of achieving in life. But if a child is compared, and it is always not in his favor, then he will envy, believe that this is not given to him. And these are very destructive thoughts.
Better support the child, tell him that he will succeed, you believe in him. And if today it did not work out, then try to understand together why this happened and how to cope with it.
10. Intensive preparation for school
Currently, there are many preparatory courses. They appear for a reason - demand creates supply. But intensive preparation for school can have the opposite effect: the child will get tired, he will get tired of everything. Interest in learning will be lost. How to learn without interest?
There is the opposite option, when parents do not consider it necessary to teach their child elementary things, such as the alphabet. If you use this tactic, be aware that the child will gradually master some of the basics. Of course, there are more prepared children in the class. At first, your son or daughter is likely to be lagging behind. In this regard, in terms of preparation, I would still adhere to a certain "golden mean".
11. Doing homework right after school
The working day of an adult is 8 hours, after which we definitely give ourselves the opportunity to rest. Try to organize your child's day so that he comes home from school, eat, take a break, take a walk, and only then sit down to his lessons. Otherwise, studying will be hard labor for him. And where is childhood in this regime? Be sure to leave room for play and entertainment.
12. Hyper-care
Hyper-care is a fairly broad concept. It implies disrespect for the child, his independence and capabilities. In fact, this is the fear of adults, because their child is growing up, and they are not ready for this. You know, there are those parents who tie their shoelaces to seven-year-olds, carry a briefcase for them. Caring, anxious mom and dad often begin to do homework with the child, and sometimes for him. In the future, this translates into a problem, when, for example, you need to write independent work in the classroom. How will he do this if he does not have such experience? These are striking examples of overprotectiveness.
Parents broadcast to the child that he is not able to act independently, he is weak and it will be difficult for him to cope with various difficulties. The only people who can help in this situation are dad and mom. What do we get as a result of such an installation? High anxiety, lack of confidence in their own abilities, lack of initiative. The student will think and act only as adults tell him. Is this what you want from your child?
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