2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people talk about the complexity of adolescence. And for parents, and for teachers, and, of course, for the teenager himself. Physiological changes, the onset of puberty and biological changes can cause anxiety, fear, pain, joy, irritation, agitation, embarrassment in adolescents. Dissatisfaction with your appearance appears, the emotional state changes regardless of the presence of reasons. The feeling of adulthood, independence and self-reliance often gives rise to rudeness, irony, indicative indifference, coldness or even cruelty. The adolescents' attitude to learning changes, then inattention and forgetfulness appear, which cannot but worry the parents. But interest in communication with peers prevails, therefore, in this area, full concentration. Etc. They become different, but until they have become, they are not understandable for parents and teachers and seem harmful. There are many reasons for the "harmfulness" of adolescents, and a lot has been written about them.
But there is also the concept of "pre-adolescent crisis". According to Elkonin, this is the "crisis of eleven years." And this is just at the junction of childhood (or rather primary school) and adolescence.
Perhaps this is even a somewhat more difficult period. I see the difficulties of this period in the fact that no one is yet accustomed to the fact that every day new qualities appear or manifest themselves, new features of a child (or rather, a “pre-adolescent”). “Is this my child ?! This is some kind of stranger! The changes are just beginning. By adolescence, everything is already somehow likely to develop and become on some rails - either everything is bad, or everything is more or less good. It is considered to be more stable.
And at 10-11 years old, a child is just beginning to face all the listed delights, with his own incomprehensible, often unreasonable aggression. For the first time, parents also face the aggression and rudeness of their no longer small child. Everyone seems to be already expecting an increase in the responsibility of the "under-grown child" by this age, and just at this time disorder and indifference awakens in him (it’s good if there’s a healthy indifference).
Parents in the pre-adolescent period begin to fade into the background. And this is also one of the signs of this period. But knowing and understanding this does not mean being ready. And it certainly does not mean that if you know and understand, then it will be easy.
This is a difficult period. Lord, another difficult period!;) And it is obvious that how it developed BEFORE it, and how it goes through, affects the adolescence itself and how it will be AFTER.
Here we can talk about the importance of having boundaries and rules for everyone during this period, that it would be nice for parents to have their own business and hobby for this moment. This can make things much easier for both parents and pre-teens. But I want something else. I’m more about the fact that support is very important for parents during this period. Because in fact, at this age, the so-called protest against the rules, research of myself, what I can, how I can, with whom how, in what I am competent, this is all the natural process of a child's development. But for parents it may be, no, it is difficult to eat. It's hard to stay steady.
They just need now, like never before, such characters as the Fairy Whisper, who would whisper advice, the Fairy Praise, who would say from time to time "you are good enough, but for your child you are generally the best." Also, the fairies are the Exciter-caller, who would say "it's okay, you did everything as best you could, you can handle it." The main one, of course, is the fairy Reminder - this is the one that reminds of love, that in spite of everything, you love your child. And he also says “don’t believe everything that your“preteen”tells you! When he says that he hates you, that he doesn't need you / -wife, it's not true. Loves and needs.
I also see that during this period the need for a fairy Provocateur becomes urgent again, who would say “well, let him cope, get out, let him take responsibility, become harmful”. Here's a bad advice (but not according to Auster) - it's time to become a bad enough "guardian"! But it's more about being a good enough parent.
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