2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The manipulations are different, but today we will talk about those that reduce the effectiveness of adulthood. What does it mean?
- In a person, his intrinsic value, deep self is destroyed
- A person has a feeling that he is not able to influence his life and is at the mercy of some destructive forces (for example, "evil fate", "unfair relations")
- A person has a firm conviction in his uselessness and irrelevance.
- A person gets stuck in suffering loneliness and he has a certain alienation from the joyful and good
- In relationships with others, it is difficult to be in close relationships, not just to build a career and earn money, conflict situations often occur, loss of strength and energy out of the blue. Sometimes you can hear: "I even live with difficulty"
- A person expects a trick from others and lives as if in a "war", in constant chronic stress and fatigue
Parental manipulation is rooted in emotional codependency. And in such a relationship, it is not easy for both parents and children. Everyone drowns in pain, everyone loses energy and strength. Although you can hear: “I have a feeling that the worse I am, the better my parents are. They have work and money and live with each other. And I am lonely / lonely, I have problems with work and money."
One of the three requirements of manipulative parents: the maximum desire on the part of a daughter or son to meet their expectations, namely:
- make life choices only those that are pleasant to parents
- make a decision, only the one that suits the parents
- wear masks "good", "correct", "obedient", "submissive", "helpful", "compliant"
- a complete rejection of yourself, your deep self, from what and why you were born
- always and in everything say "yes", be available 24/7
The desire to avoid conflict, not to quarrel and finally do what the parents want, in the hope that tomorrow everything will be different, pushes a person to self-destruction, to rejection of himself. A person lives a parental life, and does not even start his own.
What is a person filled with when he again and again loses his boundaries and strives to meet parental expectations that never run out?
- low self-esteem
-devaluation
- feeling of emptiness
- feeling the senselessness of your life
This is about the fact that the psychological umbilical cord has not yet been cut. Growing up did not start, personal growth stopped. That is why parents determine what the life of their adult child will be filled with, because only they so far have influence on his fate.
What to do?
When we are in pain, it is difficult for us to find a way out of it alone. Here, an outside perspective, a resource and energy that may not yet be enough, those knowledge, skills and abilities that have not yet entered your family system are important - separation from parents, personal maturation. And you can be the first in this.
Allow yourself to find a solution to your grievances and grievances, pain and loneliness, and not to hold on to them and thereby hinder your success, growing up, a new quality of life and resource interaction with parents.
Don't put off until tomorrow what will help you make your life better today!
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