What Determines How A Person Lives His Life?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

It largely depends on the scenario of a person's life.

Scenario Theory is one of the important sections of Transactional Analysis (TA) - a method that helps a person grow and develop psychologically.

TA founder Eric Berne defined the script as a life plan drawn up by a child in the early years of his life, mainly influenced by his parents.

How is the script created? Mom and dad give child certain messages, which contain prohibitions, permissions, instructions on what and how to do, norms and rules of conduct.

Child in reply makes decisions from his Little Professor (Early Adult) to help him survive and cope with current situations.

Berne talked about different types of scenarios and different ways of living the scenario process.

There are only three types of scenario according to Bern:

1. Winner
2. Jonah
3. A banal scenario.

Winner - the one who sets goals and achieves them.

Jonah does not set goals and does not achieve, but he talks a lot about what he could have achieved if "lucky".

And a person with a Banal scenario "goes with the flow". It has ups and downs, but not as bright as in the two previous cases.

As for the processes of living a scenario (or scenario processes), then

Berne described six options:

Script process "Not yet".

In this case, a person is constantly engaged in some kind of useful activity and will not allow himself to rest until he has finished all the work. This is a workaholic scenario

What messages from the parents and the child's decisions is based on?

Most often, parents said something like "until you do your homework, you won't go for a walk", "until you eat porridge, you won't get up from the table" etc.

In reply, child then made a decision "I can't rest and do something for myself until I do what my parents need to do" … And this decision began to determine in the future the life of this person.

Only the Parent already lives inside his head in the form of an imprinted image, or is "put on" as a mask on significant people from the environment.

2. Script process " After"

These people are usually tense and anxious, constantly expecting a catch or retribution for their actions.

The symbol of this script "Sword of Damocles", which hangs by a thread and can "fall on your head" at any moment.

The parental behavior in this case was restraining and intimidating.

Parent messages: "do not rejoice, otherwise you will cry later", "measure seven times - cut one off", "do not laugh too loudly" etc.

Child's decision: "you need to be quiet, keep your head down, the world is unpredictable and dangerous".

And again, the image of the Frightening Parent is now inside and therefore the tension is constantly present.

3. Script process "Never"

A person with this process is detached from his needs, focused on others. He can do many actions, but they do not lead to the desired result and he never gets what he most wants.

Parental messages were like "so what can you want", "I know better what you need."

These children are given a birthday present, for example, a typewriter when they want a constructor, or given to ballet when they want to play chess.

Child's decision "my desires are not important", I will endure to the end "," others know better " … Such a person is very dependent on others, while he can both obey them and do exactly the opposite.

4. Script process "Always"

These people constantly find themselves in the same situations, repeating their actions, which always leads to the same result.

As a child, this child was told "you always drop everything", "you are constantly inattentive", "well, what else can you expect from someone like that."

Child's decision: "I cannot change anything, so I will go with the flow."

Usually you can see the over-adaptability of these people, passivity and sad lamentation over their bitter fate.

5. Scripting process "Almost" or "Over and over again".

There are two options here:

In the first case, a person actively moves towards the goal, but at the last moment resistance takes over and the result is not achieved.

In the second, there is a result, but it immediately depreciates, and the person runs towards a new goal.

In childhood, most likely, parents devalued achievements, did not pay attention to them, did not celebrate with the child.

The messages were like: "I passed physics perfectly, but in biology it is not very good", "think, won the competition, it would be better to study better at school", "leave me alone with your picture, not up to you."

Children's solution "There is no point in getting a result, nobody needs it." Or "the result is fraught with unpleasant feelings when they are compared and devalued."

Therefore, a person does the work, and at the last moment this Inner Parent appears, which slows down everything and the work remains unfinished. Or the case ends quickly, and then the next very urgent task immediately appears.

6. Script "open end".

A person with such a scenario knows well what to do up to a certain point in his life, and then there is uncertainty, which can both frustrate and give an opportunity for creativity.

Parental messages were "the most important thing is to graduate from a university," or "get married", or "work with dignity until retirement."

Then the Child's Decision may be "you have to do what the parent says, and then it doesn't matter" … And such a person created a family, but he has no idea how to build it, what should be there. And that can be a big problem. Also, retirement can be stressful if the plan was only finalized before it.

These are the scenario processes we can meet. And if you realize what is happening to you and find the reason, then you can unravel this tangle and change your life in the desired direction.

This is what Transactional Analysts do. They help people explore their scenario, be aware of what is going on inside them and when communicating with others, and make new decisions that expand choices and free up resources.