Boiling Water Frog Syndrome, Or When Is It The Best Solution To See A Psychologist?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

First, a few thoughts on why in our culture, unlike in the West, it is not customary to turn to psychologists. Because in the west, psychological assistance is included in health insurance. In our country, psychologists are most often approached when it’s really bad and complete despair.

But “fixing” a critical state is often more difficult, time-consuming and more expensive than paying attention to the first signs of trouble - getting help and support from the outside, going beyond your own, “tunnel” perception.

One of the most common stereotypes regarding the help of a psychologist is the "argument": they used to live without any psychologists, and nothing, they coped. Absolutely not taking into account at the same time that life "before" in general, did not presuppose those views on life, the world, attitudes towards oneself and others, as it is now.

For most of our history, humanity has survived. The main criteria of well-being lay in the plane of meeting the basic needs at the base of Maslow's pyramid - safety, not to starve to death, to clothe and feed the family. Since the beginning of the 20th century, we have experienced (massively, something that affected everyone) - two revolutions, two world wars, one civilian, hunger, deprivation, an era of total scarcity. For only half a century we have been living in relative stability and prosperity, without fear of starving to death, without expecting bombings, arrests, camps, betrayal of neighbors, and only a couple of decades - in abundance and abundance.

When the vital task of surviving and providing life for descendants is not up to success, comfort in relationships, creativity, self-realization, inner harmony and well-being, will you agree? And, it is with these requests that they most often turn to a psychologist - when the PERSONALITY, my own self is uncomfortable (in relationships, society, when there is no subjective experience of happiness).

Having provided a relatively stable satisfaction of vital, vital for survival needs, it turned out that previous generations were unable to pass on the experience of how to live and enjoy life in conditions of security and lack of scarcity - to build relationships: with oneself, the world, others.

Our generational experience has placed a taboo on seeking help. In our cultural historical "firmware" to ask for help is to sign our own weakness and helplessness. That's shameful. It is not safe. Trust only yourself. Cope only yourself. Don't have to, don't have to. Don't believe, don't be afraid, don't ask - our cultural code.

Therefore, we tolerate to the last - relying on ourselves, our own resources, not paying attention to the fact that they can be depleted, run out, they may not be basic.

A well-known experiment describes this phenomenon metaphorically: A frog, placed in cold water, which is heated slowly, gradually, by no more than 0.02 degrees per minute, feels a threat to life only at the last moment, but it no longer has the strength to jump. If initially the water was hot enough, the frog would jump out instantly, saving its life. However, as long as the water is barely warm and does not pose a visible threat to life, it does not even think to jump out of the pot. Without experiencing noticeable discomfort, she adapts to the gradual heating of water, changing her body temperature. But when there is a visible danger to life, the frog can no longer jump out of the water, since it has spent all its strength on adaptation to the environment. She dies in boiling water without making any attempts to escape.

This experiment clearly shows us that uncomfortable, but subtle changes in life do not cause resistance in us, and we do not strive to improve the situation until it seems really threatening to us, but we no longer have the strength to cope with it. We adapt to uncomfortable and even traumatic living conditions. We are like a frog in boiling water when we face difficulties in life, do not feel happy, burn out emotionally, but do nothing to make our life better, but adapt to a toxic environment. We are patient and waiting for improvement. Losing the last resources, living for years in a toxic atmosphere, gradually poisoning our lives, not noticing, and simply missing the very moment when it is necessary to "jump out of the boiling water." The ability to adapt makes you get used to, endure, close your eyes, not pay attention, take for granted, and normal that can spoil and poison life. Like the frog, which turned on the mechanisms of homeostasis, tried to adapt to the temperature, which eventually killed it.

Of course, the ability to adapt, flexibility is one of the most important skills and abilities of a person, but! It is very important to be able to recognize in time what of what is happening in your life will enrich it with new experience, and what will poison it, gradually, dulling vigilance, making it impossible to recognize the danger in time, and turning on the instinct of self-preservation - to get out of a toxic relationship with a partner, leave a hateful job, stop destructive "friendship", say, finally, a firm no to always complaining and exploiting parents, stop any violence, learn to protect yourself and your borders.

Often, a psychologist is exactly the person who can professionally and reliably determine the temperature level in "your saucepan". It will help to objectively assess, understand what is happening, and FIND RESOURCES to overcome the situation, which at first glance seems to be a dead end.

Are you still hoping for the best, adapting to the disadvantages of life, gradually "warming up" and losing resources? Remember the frog, and start acting!