What Makes Us Lonely In A Relationship?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-18 02:26

Living under the same roof and at the same time feeling like strangers to each other is a familiar situation, isn't it? Why do we sometimes feel more alone in partnerships than those who are formally free?

Over 40% of people in relationships feel lonely. Psychologists say that partners begin to feel at some distance from each other when the emotional connection between them disappears. Moreover, no one is immune from such difficulties: such a picture can arise even in the most lasting and happiest relationships, where both have sincere feelings.

We feel deeply alone when we want to feel emotional contact with someone, but this someone is not available to us, does not want or cannot open up to us. This feeling is certainly present when we are alone, but it often arises in a relationship when one or both partners have lost touch with each other - due to the fact that one of them is angry or withdrawn into himself, sick or very tired …

The experience of many years of research shows that loneliness is dissatisfaction with the relationships that a person develops - romantic, family, business.

Harmony of interpersonal relationships is mutual satisfaction in relationships, constant dialogue, openness, contact, attitude towards each other, concern for the well-being of a partner, refusal of any manipulative control and striving for an advantage over him, inclusion in self-valuable contact. Whereas disharmony is a lack of trust, understanding, emotional closeness between people, tension and discomfort arising in joint activities, tension, alienation, conflict and aggressiveness in relationships, the experience of loneliness.

Loneliness, its experience is associated with such factors as understanding, trust, emotional closeness and compatibility (complementarity - on the principle of "near, but together, a sense of the Other's involvement").

You may feel lonely with your partner if:

… your heart is closed because this is how you protect yourself from resentment, anger or possible rejection. You cannot be in contact with your partner when closed.

… the partner is closed, angry or self-absorbed.

… your partner deliberately blocks communication with you, hiding behind work, relatives, TV, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet, and so on.

… you adjust to your partner, trying to manage his feelings in this way. Giving up on oneself for the sake of manipulation interferes with the creation of a true soul connection.

… both of you or one of you is unwilling to notice the looming conflict. Unwillingness to speak openly on sensitive topics creates barriers between you.

Traits that alienate a partner include:

- optional, dishonesty, neglect of duties and promises;

- poor tolerance for custody and control;

- dependence on a significant person, exposure to group influence;

- insensitive to social distance;

- poor tolerance of loneliness, lack of ability for solitude;

- avoiding confrontation with other people, even if you are right;

- suspicion and distrust;

- inability to control your emotions and express your feelings;

- excessive control of your behavior;

- passivity, lack of independence; lack of initiative;

- striving to please everyone, to be good for everyone;

- focus on help and approval from the partner.

Individual traits that bring your partner closer include:

- responsibility, good faith, keeping promises;

Harmony of interpersonal relationships is mutual satisfaction in relationships, constant dialogue, openness, contact, attitude towards each other, concern for the well-being of a partner, refusal of any manipulative control and striving for an advantage over him, inclusion in self-valuable contact. Whereas disharmony is a lack of trust, understanding, emotional closeness between people, tension and discomfort arising in joint activities, tension, alienation, conflict and aggressiveness in relationships, the experience of loneliness.

Loneliness, its experience is associated with such factors as understanding, trust, emotional closeness and compatibility (complementarity - on the principle of "near, but together, a sense of the Other's involvement").

You may feel lonely with your partner if:

… your heart is closed because this is how you protect yourself from resentment, anger or possible rejection. You cannot be in contact with your partner when closed.

… the partner is closed, angry or self-absorbed.

… your partner deliberately blocks communication with you, hiding behind work, relatives, TV, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet, and so on.

… you adjust to your partner, trying to manage his feelings in this way. Giving up on oneself for the sake of manipulation interferes with the creation of a true soul connection.

… both of you or one of you is unwilling to notice the looming conflict. Unwillingness to speak openly on sensitive topics creates barriers between you.

Traits that alienate a partner include:

- optional, dishonesty, neglect of duties and promises;

- poor tolerance for custody and control;

- dependence on a significant person, exposure to group influence;

- insensitive to social distance;

- poor tolerance of loneliness, lack of ability for solitude;

- avoiding confrontation with other people, even if you are right;

- suspicion and distrust;

- inability to control your emotions and express your feelings;

- excessive control of your behavior;

- passivity, lack of independence; lack of initiative;

- striving to please everyone, to be good for everyone;

- focus on help and approval from the partner.

Individual traits that bring your partner closer include:

- responsibility, good faith, keeping promises;

Increase physiological contact

Physical union is the key to emotional feeling. The role of sex in the relationship between a man and a woman is undeniable. As scientists explain, after sex, partners have a "residual effect" for almost 2 days, which plays an important role in strengthening the emotional connection between partners. Often the root of many problems lies precisely in the fact that one of the couples do not have enough sex. But it is very difficult to say about this directly. It is impossible to imagine a healthy relationship without sex. But not only intimacy is a bonding factor, but also seemingly different little things. For example, while watching TV together, try to sit closer to your partner, and when meeting him after work, do not ignore spontaneous hugs and kisses. Learn to give each other gifts filled with your love and care for your partner.

Don't think for a partner

The longer people are together, the more they are inclined to believe that they know the feelings and thoughts of their partner. However, research clearly shows that this is far from the case. Being in a relationship and a close emotional connection with each other, everyone still goes their own way in life, in which anything can be: from difficulties at work to internal experiences. Therefore, it is important not to think out for another person, but if his way of action causes strong anxiety and resentment, then it is better to bring him to a frank conversation.

Understand the source of the problem

Try to understand where this unpleasant feeling of loneliness comes from. Perhaps the real reason lies in something else, completely unrelated to the relationship. As such, instead of inadvertently blaming a loved one or building negativity within yourself, take the time to understand the true source of the problem. Could it be the increasing pressure at work? Or have you really not rested together for a long time and his body yearned for a 2-week vacation?

Don't shift all responsibility to your partner.

Don't expect your loved one to be your best friend, lover, parent, and spiritual stimulant in one bottle. If you blame all these roles only on the other half, you can always feel frustrated and lonely. For this reason, instead of relying on your partner to handle these responsibilities, divide them up among friends, family, and colleagues. This method, according to psychologists, will make it possible to relieve some of the stress on the relationship.

Don't judge your loved one (or yourself)

Trying to make your partner the culprit for all the problems will not help you deal with feelings of loneliness. Blaming your loved one for working too hard, paying little attention, or doing something else that you feel is wrong will lead to your partner being removed from you. At the same time, dwelling on your own sadness and anger at yourself will only make you feel worse. Instead, try to translate communication with your loved one in a more positive direction, pay less attention to the little things, and focus on what unites you.

Spend more time together

If one of the partners is overcome with a feeling of loneliness, do not ignore the joint leisure. Yes, sometimes we are captivated by the daily routine: one is watching TV, while the other is reading a book or surfing the Internet. But the less time you spend together, the more likely the couple will feel at a distance from each other. To prevent this from happening, think about what activity you both will enjoy. For example, find a cool TV show, cook something delicious, and have an evening together.

Share your experiences

The fear of being vulnerable and the fear of opening up contribute to the person being lonely in the relationship. When you are around someone, but he does not know much, it can be the beginning of distance from each other. Therefore, do not be afraid to open up your innermost experiences to your partner: if he really loves you, he will listen and help you cope with any difficulties and doubts.